cowboy

something beautiful,
just because.
no meaning laying below,
nothing from it to figure out or turn a different angle and see.
just something serene,
something pretty,
and something to look at.
something just because life is too short
and too hard,
and there are better things to look at than the bad things.
styled by David Dalrymple
model: Gary Natale

jealousy

jealousy,

such a strange thing for me,

never had it

but now i do

but why you ask,

i just simply do.

for no good reason,

i swear it's not

it's about something a freinds got,

that i want.

a thing i wish i had, instead,

of me just laying here, in bed.

tossing, turning, here alone

it makes me think of what went wrong,

and how the thing i think i want

is just what i should not.

but life is funny,

sometimes haha

this time it's serious, and so, nah...

i'll do my best to conquer this

and in the end,

secure the risk

that this jealousy,

this thing i want

will surely be,

the thing that is the end of me.

so i stop.

I'm Coming Home

if you had one shot,
one opportunity,
how would you play it?
i think this is my 9th shot actually.
for some reason,
it's like they say,
cockroaches don't die.
me, cher and cockroaches.
oh well,
as long as i forgive my own mistakes,
no more games,
i'm coming home.

someone like me.

and here i fuckin AM!

I have a dream

i have a dream...
and i hope it's not the one i'm living.
today at precisely 12:27pm,
i was at the gym, stretching,
when i looked up into the mirror and realized,
OMG,
I am the crazy old man at the gym.
the one you see who's a mess,
fat,
bald,
ugh, thats me.
a troll.
well...
i have a dream,
and it's that i will one day be back to the old me,
the fierce me.
the crazy old man is retiring, an that little black child i used to be,
will be back.

it will come

i just learned a lesson,

and hopefully,

will be able to apply it toward everyday life.

if you want something 

and you really search for it and do whatever you can to make it happen,

it will come.

shame on me...

shame on me,
to need release...


i can't seem to stop my head.
it ticks n tocks like a 50's bird popping out wall clock.
shame on me,
to want, know and feel,
the unbelievableness in my mind.
what i want is what i see,
what i see i want to make 3D,
what's 3D must be high def and digital dolby surround sound.
it must move, taste and feel like something you've never felt,
like satin to the touch, yet thorned, like a rose.
my mind is playing tricks on me because it's something that i must see.
a show of ever-lasting dreams
hooked up in stereo and surround sound,
to the disco ball and gay clientele.
a magical mystery one must see,
to really, truly,
be believed.
a fantasy of erotic bliss
started merely just by one kiss.
i want to make you stop to see,
the things i see inside my dreams.
and when you watch, ask yourself,
what's he crazy?
or just you, yourself,
has had a vision,
one that will take
enormous effort,
and all i stake,
shall be determined by one thing,
the test of truth on him,
on me.
we'll see.

i won't Blackout

i'm only getting started,
i won't blackout.

i started the gym this week.
fuckin A.
i forgot about all the years of hideous hours i had put in in the past to achieve the exquisite body i had once had.
ugh
it's all gone now, but one day, and one day soon,
i'll be back in fighting form.

i've been sick for a week,
sober,
and bored.
time to get started.
what did i say last week?
the time is here,
it's come,
and i aint wasting anymore time,
nope.
i'm only getting started...
i won't back down.

inspirations:

once upon a time

Once upon a time,

in a bath house far, far away,

there was a little boy...

what if...

so, i was almost an abortion.
which means, i almost was never here.
which means i never would have seen, done, heard, felt or experienced
anything i have.
which means i never would have given anything back,
which means i never would have left any marks,
which means you would never have noticed,
which means i never would have been able to have touched you,
which means you would never have missed me.
but instead, i was born,
and made a mess of everything.

nervous grumble

in my stomach i can feel it...
it's a grumbling
not a noise, but a feeling.
everything's coming together,
into place, and all that's left is the actual thing itself.
i think i know how it will play out,
but my head is second guessing
certain situations,
and how they might play out,
and how i'll handle them.
it's tough having to take control,
although for me, its second nature.
is it a grumbling or is it nerves?
i'll just stop myself now,
and call it a nervous grumble.

just because

sometimes,
just because...
i have nothing else to say,
i say something in pictures,
because that's just my way...

here we go, again

a long time ago
in a land not so far away,
i look at my life
and pray for better days.
it's not that i'm unlucky,
it's not that i need more,
it's just i find myself again
locked behind this door.
i've tried to get out many times
i've tried to break out,
it's just my mind plays tricks on me,
and i don't know what that's about.
i'll take two steps forward.
and then take three steps back,
that's when the tricks in my mind
stand up and then attack.
i know deep down, i'm lucky,
i know i've got my friends,
i know i've lived 9 lives because
i'm still alive,
but then,
i wonder why i still have to try
to keep one step ahead.
i've made my mark,
i've walked my path
i've done it and lived with the aftermath
of what i've done,
and where i've been,
and still i'm here
at step one,
and ready to begin.
again.

SexyBack

i'm bringing sexy back,
them other boys just don't know how to act

so i dove in, deep.
no looking back,
in full force,
it's time.
i had to say it aloud,
now there's no turning back.

as soon as i finished that post, i knew it was final.
the vision in my head's been to strong.
too lifelike.
to deny it would be to deny destiny's child from being born.
like an abortion...
but the child was let to live...
like me.
the bastard lives.
and because he knows what his fate could have been,
he will struggle and do his best to outshine, and overshadow
the rest.

as i told a friend last night,
this revelation will hopefully be the death of others.
and you know who i'm talkin about...
i want Michael Lucas, personally, to drop dead when he see's it.
lifeless is how he'll finally look best.
lifeless he will have nothing more to say,
nothing evil to think,
nothing manipulative to do.
he'll just be a bad memory of days past.

he's already trembling at the idea that Cocky Boys is coming for him.
the last shoot i did with them, we used a new model that he had used once before.
he desperatly was on the phone trying to seduce the guy to not do our film,
offering him $5,000. to not do the scene we already booked him and flew him in for.
Michael put out a statement saying we were stealing his boys.
really Michael??
the guy, when he saw the way he was being played
canceled any further interaction with Miss Lucas...
probably destroying thousands of dollars of plastic surgery
when his face dropped.
has the time come when everything i always said is being exposed Mister Lucas?
all the games are over baby..
it's the dawn of a new era,
and your washed up.

it's over honey...
pack it up.
your time is done.
don't make a fool of yourself, anymore.
just close the door when you walk out...
and don't fall when it slams you in the ass.

xo
Joe