LMFAO

it's true

it's true,
what i say,
that i shouldn't really be here,
it was all a mistake,
and now u all pay the price,
you once thought i was nice,
but the truth shall be told,
it will all, one day,
unfold.

what i did today...nothing.

today was one of those days.
nothing got done,
nothing got started.
i tried, but i failed,
and it seemed useless,
so i stopped.
i cruised the internet,
found some things of interest.
like a straight swingers website,
so made friends, as i lied about who i was.
i love becoming someone else.
my brother in law Dave is the one who got me hooked.
he'd go onto a young girl website
something like myspace,
and chit chat with all of the old men who approached him.
he's act silly,
be coy,
say he wanted to meet and get laid...
he's a sick fucker.
which is why i love him...
today i was a bi married guy from Austin with 3 kids that was a swinger
was into the nudist lifestyle,
and, well, i think that was it.
it was fun,
it made me laugh,
it made me see that i am not the only twisted freak in the world,
cause i cant imagine who i was really talking to.probably some fat 90 year old in Tuscon pretending to be a hot chick.
whatever.

whatever they tell you

i was told by my ex,
that this blog was too sick,
that what i had to say
was what people didn't need to hear.
that i'm too harsh,
too repetitive,
too much in my black past...
but i feel that my past is my past,
i'm not shy,
not embaressed,
i would like to work more,
make more money,
but in general,
i'm happy.
i do what i do,
and that's all that i do,
i feel how i feel,
and i know that it's real.
there's so much to say
when you go your own way,
and the way that you go,
does not go with the flow.
it's bad that i listen
to the words of friends wisdom,
when i feel nothing but defense
when they give their two cents.
but alas, i must know
what they feel in their soul,
for i love them but don't
in the end,
want to know.

the last of me

it's getting late,

but i'm not ready yet,

to have this be the end of it.

it's ups and downs

have made me see

there's something more

left inside of me.

from where it comes,

nobody knows

it just happens,

one day it shows

itself to be

the newest thing

to get me going,

make my heart sing...

cause without my voice,

who am i?

i'm not just going to lay down and die!
so i'll speak out loud,

say too much,

be inappropriate,

and hope that such

behavior will finally 

set me free,

cause you aint seen

the last of me.

just be aware,

cause what you think of me,

honestly,

i just don't care.

j/o

once i had a brilliant idea.
(one that is still not buried)
and that was to do a line of t-shirt with my classic images.
so, i printed them up,
sold a bunch,
and then lost motivation...
i even shot the ad campaigns for the...
anyway,
spring is coming,
and i think i am going to revive that idea.

Grindr

technology.
such a wonderful thing, yet,
it's brought us many unforeseen possibilities...things that scientists would never in a billion years, have considered when inventing computers. who imagined we'd ever have a camera attached to our phone? or that we'd all have in our homes, computers that would play movies, music, and porn...but who would have ever guessed we'd have APPs on our phones that would tell us, in detail, how far away prospective "tricks" were...200 feet is my record so far, but i'm dying to be at a club and have it say 0 feet...

Grindr has brought many cocks and assholes into my life, that would totally have never had the opportunity to reach me, otherwise. it's interesting, because just yesterday, i was on Grindr, and i got a text from a hot 19 year old boy...obviously with a daddy fetish...he came over, was hot, pulled out a great cock, bent over, had a really nice hairy ass (to eat) and then, fuck...
an hour later, as he was leaving, he told me he had to run, because he was late. i asked what for, he said his job...at the mall...it brought me back to my high school days, and i sighed, how beautiful it was to have had such a random, fun experience, with a boy i probably never would have met...

here's my Grindr trick that happened to be 200 feet away...in the same sleazy hotel i was in...
with a trick he was over (as i was mine)
i love technology!

paid in full

not so very long ago,
and not so far away,
i stood before it, shamelessly,
those days had gone away.
the way i used to feel so bad
about such little things
depended upon my having had
a choice in the charade.
no longer would i feel the need
to be better than i was
from now on i'd simply play the game
risking winning against the loss.
it's really no one else' fault
except for mine,
if i won or lost.
i'd live with that,
i'd take the chance,
i'd pay the price my actions cost.

Mom Catches Son

i've been living most of the last 3 years
sleeping in the bed i grew up in,
in the house i grew up in,
with my family.
many illnesses and bad times made it come to be this way,
and i'm miserable about it...
but last night, i had a date,
and instead of just being an adult, having fun, fucking and enjoying my date,
i got a phone call at 2am from my mom who was crying, wondering where i was.
ugh
it's a nightmare.
wht this story now?
cause i just found this video on youtube,
was appalled shocked and disturbed by it,
and had to share.
lol
ugh.

not one single moment

if i nevr was born,
then i wouldn't have done
so many stupid things
and so many wonderful things.
i don't know if one outweighs the other,
but i know in my heart that
not one single moment did i regret.