i was almost an abortion

Monday, October 29, 2012


Magic Mike - Extra Clip "It's Raining Men" ft. Channing Tatum - Celebs.com

Poor, poor Sandy...
everyone seems to hate her today.
what  did she do to deserve this?
you crazy cunt, you're killing me!
              stop the nonsense...
              stop the hate,
              stop the rain!
cause it truly is..........insane.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

No More Drama

Mary J. Blige - No More Drama (Thunderpuss Club Anthem)

no more pain...
no more pain,
no more pain.
no more drama in my life,
no one's gonna make me hurt again.

no more tears,
i'm tired of crying' every night...
no more fears
i really don';t wanna buy into em...
no more drama.

i don't know
only God knows where the story ends
for me.
but i know where the story begins
it's up to us to choose
whether we win or lose,
and i choose to win.

First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Leona Lewis (REMIX) - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Time Stretch...

 the first time ever i saw his face
i remember it exactly
like it was yesterday...
he walked into my apartment on 95 christopher st.,
bubbly, excited, nervous and
glowing the glow that only a 25 year old can give off...
almost an innocence, which, in hindsight i would know was off.
but there it was,
my first impression,
my first thought, my first smile, our first words.
almost makes me wish that that day would have been different.
maybe we would have cancelled,
maybe he would have been sick,
maybe it would have never happened...
but it did.

first time you ever see the one who ends up being the love of your life (you think so anyway for a good while) but then turns into one of the most wretched things that ever crossed your path, you have hope. you have ideas that maybe, just maybe, this one will be different...maybe even, the ONE.
that day is such a great day, such an amazing day,
 such a magical day...
why did it have to turn into tomorrow???

this week, after almost losing it all, i have been contemplating my life, my journey, my goals, my mission, my legacy, my destiny, and
i needed to resolve some things that i did wrong, some people i wronged, some wrong moves i made.
chris raucci, i don't know exactly what i did to him,
\for i was truly the one who got the short end of the stick, but, somehow, he feels wronged, and so, mr r., i just want to extend my hand, reach out and say, sorry...whatever happened, happened, but we also had some amazing times, and so, i don't want to remember the bad times ever again, instead, i want to move up, on and forward, and if i see you again, you don't even have to talk to me...just give me a knowing smile, not a huge toothy grin, just a smile, so i know that, someday, maybe, we will both be mature enough to possibly, even be friends...

here is the first frame i ever photographed of chris,
the day we met..
it's funnt, looking at it for the first time in years, but it's a very telling photo. i can see so much in his eyes from that first meeting, you can see his love for life, his excitement for being there, and the joy he felt in his heart, because, i do believe, he thought the same thing i was thinking...
this may be the ONE.


the first time.

Someone Only I Know

Somewhere Only We Know (Dubstep) - AEmusics Cover/Remix

people cum n go...
and in today's society, 
they cum n go faster than they used to...
there seems to be a distance caused by none other than the thing that also brings us closer to people we had lost years ago, as well as connects us with people we would have ordinarily never met...the internet. love it or hate it, you can't live without it, for it's how we work, communicate and date, how we stay in touch, research and masturbate, it's the thing that makes us all unified, yet seperates us because in a way, no matter how close we are, we still have a screen to safeguard us from the thing on the other side of the screen that, just may be the thing we've always dreamed of.
i have friends who i have never met in real-time, whop i share my daily life with, my deepest fantasies and fear with, and people who care enough to send me "hey, hope ur feeling better" wishes when i'm down or sick. maybe one day our paths will cross, but even if they don't i know that somewhere out there, they're there. 
 oh simple thing,
where have you gone?
im getting old and need something to rely on
so tell me when your gonna let me in,
i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin...
is this the place we used to love?
is this the place i've been dreaming of?
this could be the end of everything...
let's go, somewhere only we know...
but we know only the screen we see, the screen that we can always shut off, no matter how abruptly, without shattering our feelings, wrecking our dreams, destroying our emotions....
this could be the end of everything...

people i have known...
personally, in real time, and thay have made an impact, forever, on my life, my work, my legacy.


Saturday, October 27, 2012


Once upon a time,
in quaint Victorian village
one early fall evening in October,
as a gust of wind swept fallen leaves
tinted yellow, red and orange,
up into the air, swirling swirling swirling,
a prince walked home from his long days battle,
lost, confused, and tired...
he wanted nothing more than to rest his weary head,
but alas,
that would not be his fate today...

45 years on earth,
most of them as a wise ass,
many of them as a hooker,
drug addict, and, many many other things that were lived on the edge...
never once have i been hit..
never once mugged,
and just when i was feeling safe.
out of no where, 
a guy walked toward me, gave me a slight snarled lip,
and then when our paths crossed,
right in my mouth with what must have been a brick
because my front tooth wiggled loose, and blood poured from my mouth,
and i fell into the street where luckily,
a family in an SUV who had seen it all,
pulled over and drove me home...
i went to the e.r. where i was given 3 stitches, and sent home.
long day,
long night,
long time coming....


Friday, October 26, 2012

classic j/o

Havana Brown ft Pitbull - We Run The Night (BabyBearBell vs RedOne Exten...

                      CLASSIC J/O
9and i take that very seriously)


Thursday, October 25, 2012

(Goodbye to Joey O)

Grease - Sandra Dee Reprise (Goodbye to Sandra Dee)

every second of every minute of every day, 
something happens, unexpectedly, that makes a powerful impact on the rest of your entire life...IF, and only if, you are smart enough to listen...i don't even know how old i was, but it was not more than 11, and GREASE was the number one movie for about 17 weeks, which, is amazing...i was dying to see it, but my parents thought it was too risque, as it held a PG rating. i begged, pleaded, but to no avail. i was a fat italian boy with kinky hair and acne, and wanted to be something else, someone else so bad, and movies were my escape. my mother told me that if i lost 10 pounds, she would let me see the film, so, i put myself on a diet, and every morning i did push ups, sit ups and ran in place, in my bedroom, listening to Macho Man by the Village People, and in about 2 months time, i had lost actually 12 pounds, and so, had achieved my goal. i also had done something internally that had made me a stronger person, for i had recreated my destiny and brought it into the realm of what i dreamed would be a better place for me. i showed and proved to myself that this was indeed, possible. the next day i went with my father to the movies to see Grease. i of course, LOVED it, GAGGED over it and then, almost at the end of the film, saw Olivia Newton John sing the reprise of "Sandra Dee", the pivotal moment in the film where Sandy decides to change herself, step up to the plate and make herself someone she always wanted to be...which of course she does, flawlessly, in spandex.
she, this song, this scene, made me believe, enforced what i had already begun to know, and still makes me cry.
"sandy, you must start a new, don't you know what you must do? hold your head high, take a deep breath and sigh, goodbye to sandra dee..."
anyone can do it, everyone should try it, trust me. 
be the person you always wanted to be...
                                       you owe it to yourself.


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

- Ready Or Not -

The Fugees - Ready Or Not

ready or not,
here i come.
you cant hide...
gonna find u-
-n make u want me.

bless u if u represent the crew
but ill hex u with some witches brew if u do, too.

don't get better than that.


Lady GaGa - Summerboy


"Hey there summer boy,
lets go for a drive
take me for a ride
never gonna close our eyes...
hey there summer boy
i'm a busy girl...
don't have to much time,
hurry up before i change my mind..."
                                   la gaga

summer is now, officially, over.
everywhere i'm looking now,
instead of seeing tube topped Maritza's on da stoop drinkin Pink Champale wit her peeps,
i see Maritza all bundled up,
maybe as extreme as a top that doesn't
cover her belly button ring...
all the boyz in da hood r still chillin' outside the bodega,
but the bodega is now serving them harder liquor than the Colt 45's it was in August...
where did it all go?
where are the warm days, tropical breezes, hot nights?
another summer scratched off the calendar.
the morning skies clear as the not so scorching anymore sun appears.
there's a chill in the air, a crispness.
the leaves on the maple trees in the housing project
across the street
 have gone from deep green to magenta,
the same color as Maritza's bleached n color treated extenssions.
the summer is gone.
summer lovin'
had me a blast,
but that was summer of 2012, and, well,
it's passed.
move on forward gracefully,
autumn 2012 has exploded.
fashion week cum n gone,
all the hype glamor craziness and hell raised by the drop of a leaf
is under way...
the bears have come out to play,
and so,
from hibernate to congegate
after they all masturbate, they contimplate...
 the world as it slowly navigates
spins and rotates,
what will be their destiny,
their fate?
Uberbear Robert Valinshas an idea, many ideas, maybe too many sometimes...but his new  bear website is up to try n help the contemporary urban/international man who isn't ashamed, but rather proud of his belly...
what the f*%# to do.
now you'll know...at the click of a button.
it's that easy...
cumming very soon..
just don't get ur fingers stuck in that tight little bees nest...
but if you do...
lick ur fingers real good.



                                               COLTON FORD-Party at Iris's (playlist)

it never fails...
something inside tells me to hear/see/sm,ell/taste/experience something, and usually it happens in minutes or days.
like, just now.
12:51am, tuesday?..monday?
anyway, i pull up an old playlist from i-tunes, my eyes half crossed from overdoing it on photoshop, and chain smoking and eating as much ice cream as humanly possible, and like, this song, one of my all time fav classic house songs follow me by sidney youngblood comes on, and like, i need to hear it now, and need to pass it on, so, i youtube it, and, the first one that pops up is my sista coltina fordina's remake, and so, i knew it was meant to be.