i was almost an abortion

Friday, September 7, 2012

dear God,

is it possible to think something good has actually happened to me?
is it too much to ask,
is it too much to dream?
am i too tired to keep searching
for the things that i dream?
i'm not asking too much,
and i'm trying real hard
to get back my life,
and in tact,
although scarred.

if this is just a dream,
wake me fast, please,
for i haven't a clue
as to what this would mean...
a new home, 
a new life,
a clean way
to survive,
with no help, just me,
  fulfilling my dream
taking back, once again,
my true destiny.

please God, let this be,
i swear i'll succeed,
just this chance,
and this time,
just this once,
please be kind...

the one that got away


just when you least expect it,
on any given day,
it comes out of the blue
and clarifies things that never made sense...
it's when you're at your most vulnerable,
it leaves nothing to second guess,
it's crystal clear
it's perfect in it's own form,
it makes sense,
and it calms your mind so you  never
have to thin the worst again...
ever again.

tonight, for me, destiny  came full circle.
my past and present clashed
creating memories of who i used to be,
cementing ideas of how i came to be who i am,
and allowing me to see the entire picture,
the unedited version,
the one that leaves you dripping wet with sweat,
a chill down your spine,
a meditative sigh of  relief that makes you understand why, who, when and where
all the misery had to take place to get you to the place you can rest your head on tonight.
and  quiet storm that once disrupted the skies,
now shows signs of life beyond the small world you even imagined.
it's all coming back to me now...
the reason i m who i am,
make the mistakes i make,
the things that make me sad, smile, laugh, cry
are all because of the way things were presented,
handled, portrayed, ingested to and by none than me.
i always say everything happens for a reason,
tonight i understood that i am the one...
the one thing that got away...
the thing that others missed
or thought was too much,
or too little,
was just little old me,
being me
with no excuses
no judgements
no worries
no fears,
just a new knowledge of the fact that,
if you find you're missing something truly magnificent in your life,
if you dare to complain that you're not satisfied,
that things just didn't work out...
if you lost the ability to laugh,
and wonder what went wrong...
it's because of your own mistake
of letting the good ones go too soon,
and now, you can remember that
all of the thins that got away,
ended up somewhere, probably better than
what you could have given.

so don't feel bad for it, or me...
just now that,
i now that you know...
i'm the best you could have ever asked for...
but you let me go,
and so,
i flew...
i stumbled,
i fell,
but i survived,
i'm alive..
i'm here...
i am everything you ever wanted...