i was almost an abortion

Monday, September 3, 2012

backstage jitters

as the last long weekend reaches the point of climax,
when i have finally met and been introduced to my supermodels for the evening performance,
after a strenuous day of shooting and searching for locations,
and as i prepare myself to start the show,
i hear the crowd outside on the dancefloor screm,
lights pour out onto the smokey room,
as half naked, harnessed men in leather dance.

i love Montreal because no one knows me,
its always nice to be somewhere where no one knows your name.
its also nice because i dont want anyone to know me right now.
ièm wiped out,
my bodys restless,
my mind is closed.
i sleep all the time.
a wise man told me today that its because im trying to hide myself
as to protect myself
from a world i feel very disappointed by...
could someone i just met,
have such great insight on me...
is it that obvious
or am i that transparent.

has everything i ever dreamed of gone away
or am i pushing it away
pushing and kicking,
fighting it every step of theway.
i want it,
i hate it.
i need it,
i cant take it anymore.
everything i ever wanted
and everything i need
has gone to the wayside now
and been wiped out by others greed.
for nothing that i asked for
was anything too much,
instead it was dangled in my face,
and snatched away from my clutch.

but tomorrows another day,
im waiting for a sign, god,
im waiting...
but my patience is running thin...

the boys just knocked on the door,
theyre ready,
and som
the show must go on...

wish me luck,
cause right now,
i need it.