do u think i'm mean?

you asked me once or twice lately

why i don't write about you,

you thought i hated you.

why, when i look back on those times

am i starting now to realize

that maybe what you thought was true,

maybe my love

had gone into

a different place,

from a different time,

a time when you 

were by my side.

but times have changed

and rearranged

and now i think

it's not so strange

that one time when

i really need

someone's help

when i look i see

that you're not there,

you've stepped back

and wonder now

why my heart is black.

don't you understand that i

was always right there

by your side?

don't you see?

don't you care?

it wasn't my sister

standing there...

she had other things to do,

ok, whatever,

but now i do.

i have myself

to watch over,

and buddy too,

don't be shocked when you discover

that when you die,

don't you ask

where  i am

because i'll be

a million miles

away from thee.

no tears i'll shed,

nope, none, you'll see.

in another life

maybe you'll be

the one that,

that time, needed me.

so don't be surprised,

don't be shocked

don't be foolish

from my heart 

your locked.

and never more

can i stop

the tears that came

pouring out of me,

if you were here,

maybe you'd have seen...

am i acting too extreme?

oh really?

do u think i'm mean?

well let me tell you

something true,

the reasons i

don't write of you

are because i can't

say three nice things

because of all

i can't believe i've seen...

i was almost an abortion

never once
have you even tried
to be my friend,
and stand by my side.
instead you choose
to overlook
the times i tried.
i guess i mistook
the fact that everything i do
was nothing more
than misconstrued.
by me trying
by me crying
by my applying
by me deciding
that i wanted something other than
the life you chose for me,
now i understand.
you said you'd be there,
through thick or thin,
i guess i thought
you'd be there till the end.
i guess i thought
i guess you walked
i guess i'll see
life without the you in "we".
but why now, exactly
did you choose
to stand back and
just watch me lose?
wasn't there a better time
when i was almost
doing fine?
but then i guess
i wouldn't see
the reality
of you and me.
times are tough
times are hard,
and now your love
i must discard.
it's really sad,
it sucks, you'll see,
i promise you
no more of me.
so don't say that
i didn't try,
for if you do,
i won't deny
that every single day i stood
and nights alone,
and weeks i should
have been out there
living just for me,
instead it's now,
i really see,
exactly what you thought of me.

i was almost an abortion,
somedays i pray,
cause if i was
there'd be no day
that my heart would be so shattered
my life crushed,
my bones battered,
by someone i thought
truly mattered.
i guess that's life.
i guess thats it,
so long.
farewell.
enough.
i quit.

You R Alone

Olive - You're Not Alone (Sister Bliss/Rollo Remix)


well, i guess that's it,

not even a reply.

it's ok, i guess.

i didn't think that i

warranted another chance

but i guess thats just part

of the past.

i'm so happy that

you did what you did.

you helped yourself,

and from me hid.

you say your upset,

about to cry,

as i sit here basically

about to die.

no helping hand

no reaching out

just me, alone

and so, i doubt

that all the things

you told to me

were really truths

now, i see

that you thought you'd keep me

close at hand

while you left me no where

left to stand.

i walk the streets

alone, just me,

and when i reach out for you

i see

nothing,

your gone

no where in sight.

and now it's getting dark,

twilight.

and though i try

i squint real hard,

you've left me solo

with disregard.

ok, i get it

you thought i'd be

better off alone,

indeed...

what you did was push me down

into a pit

i thank you, so much,

i truly appreciate it.

the lesson learned

that now i've learned

is trust no one

because you will get burned.

alone

not so very long ago,

in a place not very far away,

it heard it just by coincidence,

but i definitely heard you say,

please don't take that extra step,

stay close to me,

not far away,

i swear that i'll always be here,

and then

you went away.

there i stood,

alone at last,

except now you were part of my past,

and when i called out

and asked you please

to stay with me,

cure my disease,

you vanished so far 

from my reach

that it seemed as if 

your words were breached.

how one day

can you tell me this,

and next day it's basically as if

the things you said

you never did,

when i need you most

your gone, you hid.

i lay alone in bed at night

in my mind are dreams of fright

and when i wake

i think i see

an image of you

looking back at me.

but the image is blurry

the past is gone

and now i'm here

where i don't belong.

and so i ask you

one more time,

a second chance?

please?

be kind.

for no one understands where i

have come from,

through my darkest nights,

you once sat,

and comforted me

and now no more,

alone,

just me.

i thought you told me

i thought i'd see

myself by your side

for eternity

but when i ask you

just one time,

immediately

you decline.

where do i go now

what can i do?

i ask around

but no one knew.

it's now or never

this time is it,

and so i wait,

alone i sit.

far away

i understand where ur coming from.

i know that you only see the bad,

but the good is also inside me,

just impossible to get at without a chance...

i've tried so many ways,

i've asked a million times,

i don't have anywhere to turn to,

can't u see the terror in my eyes?

i'm all alone,

i'm helpless,

have nowhere left to hide,

all i see when i look close

is what i'm trying hard to realize

is that i've got no home,

i've got no time,

i've got no job,

nothing left inside,

and now as i sit all alone

i feel my stomach turn

i watch myself from afar

starting to fall and burn.

all im asking

is a hand,

i know you must, somewhere inside,

know, and understand.

i am 2 feet away

from blossoming again

and when i reach my hand out to you,

it's because i think you are my friend.

i don't know where to turn

i dont know what to do...

am i asking way to much

when i ask that question of you?

i know youve helped me

many times,

and i would never

pretend that i

didnt understand

where youre coming from,

i know where,

trust me,

i am someone...

id never try and hurt you, never,

i love you so much,

but its now or never,

i have less than 20 days,

and after that,

i go astray.

into darkness,

and far away.

How Will I Know

Whitney Houston - How Will I Know  2012 (Big Wilde Funky Beach House Rem...



what i need is really love...
and i wish to god i could have that.
just once,
once in a while?

so here i am.
2012...
the year was supposed to start off better than the last
when i was lying in a hospital bed, in a coma.
oh well,
nothing works out the way you want it to i guess.
when i look behind me,
i see a lot of good,
but a lot of bad also.
everything, everyone, everywhere
i went, i caused joy, and havoc.
apparently...
now, i am here, 45 years old,
solo.
well, Buddy, but that poor baby has no clue whats up.
we travel our lives in circles that sometimes spin out of control.
sometimes they lead us to a safe haven where,
we can just rest and smell the sweet fragrant flowers,
others, the stench is so strong,
it buries us alive in it's decay.
i'm here!
i'm trying!
give me a fuckin break!
all i need is a hand to reach back to me,
to see the potential,
to grasp it from falling down...

is that to much to ask??