from the outside looking in,

 click here:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5MgcKdpiew

 

From the outside looking in, everything seemed perfectly normal, boring even...no drama was always a good sign...wasn't it? if something was wrong, surely i'd have known about it...but they say the ones closest to you are the last to know with these things.
i most certainly can attest to that! why, it was all there right under my nose, in front of my very eyes, and i was too ignorant to even know what was going on. in my day, you could always tell if someone was smoking the wacky weed by the way the slurred their words or tripped when they walked. but nowadays, you just can't tell a thing. which is why i don't feel so dumb for not knowing...

i mean...really!

 

last call

even though he knew what he had to do was not going to be easy, he still had to step up to the plate, and do it...it wouldn't be easy, especially since he had basically forgotten the steps of the process...he never really had a "job", well, not since the mid 90's, and, well, that was a long time ago. but he did have discipline, he had skills, he had knowledge, he had an eye, and he had a hunger to get back everything he had lost and regain his composure, and step up to his rightful place and stop worrying about everything else.
it's not gonna be easy, he knew that, but he also knew that he had no other choice. no other option. no other way...this was it, and if he prolonged it one more second...he may lose the window of opportunity that he maybe still had...

FUCK IT!

      Time was running out...

there weren't a lot of options left...it seemed like i had let it go out of control for too long and now, could i ever get it back at all? would i care if i didn't?

should i try to make this right?

By the time I got myself in a position to think about what time it really was, well, by that time, i was to exhausted to care what the outcome would be if i left right there and then...who'd really care?

But someone always knew, didn't they? wasn't there always that certain someone who just always "happened" to know someone who knew someone who saw him do this n that with that one...no one gets away free n clear. nope...so i said fuck it, if they're gonna talk, let em talk, but as for me, i'm over it. i'm through. i've spent more than enough time worrying about it, and now, i don't actually give 2 shits about it...so...

                   FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT. FUCK IT.FUCK IT. FUCK IT. fuck it!

as the sun set and the moon rose, i made it clear that i understood that yes, another day had passed, and i still didn't get done what i swore i'd have had finished a week ago.
it's stressful, it's irritating.
                               it's (yawn) exhausting.