i was almost an abortion

Thursday, January 5, 2012

lazy days journey into night

and so,
after a long day of doing nothing,
not accomplishing anything important,
not speaking to friends,
and just being lazy,
the day has dwindled down to me just being extremely tired.
for what reason i cannot even imagine,
except to wonder if maybe
a day of nothing is exactly what i needed.
holidays over
(thank GOD!)
work starting to pick up,
and life getting back to normal,
sometimes you forget how important it is
to just relax, kick back, and be a slob.
which is exactly what i was, all day.

talk talk

they said "it's too glossy",
then they whined "it's too flat"
then they said "it's been done before"
and "i hate the model"
or "it's too retouched"
or maybe "i liked it better before"
or "he's so tired!"
really girl?
on your best day you'll never even have what i posses in my pinkey finger.
so shut the fuck up,
and go babble on about something else.
people love to talk,
it makes them feel better because they know, deep down,
they aint nada...
people who try and bring you down for no reason at all are lame cunts
with nothing else to do,
no place to go,
nothing to achieve,
because there's nothing there to begin with.

so let them talk.
let them bitch,
let them say what they want,
because the truth is there for everyone to see.
the truth does not need to speak loudly,
because even when wispered, it's heard.

it may have been done before,
but not with the twist you put on it.
let em laugh
let em talk
let em gag
let em balk,
it matters not in the real world,
the truth is known...
trust me.

writings on the wall

today ticked by and i got nothing done.
tick tock.
i tried to do stuff,
but my mind was elsewhere,
and i couldn't concentrate.
i was living today in a fantasy land
where my life is tweaked by illusions
of what and how i would fantasize it to be.
twisted and crazy,
it would be a world where everyone was happy,
everyone was naked,
and fucking...
i joined some new swingers website a buddy told me about.
not that i would go near a pussy within 50 feet,
but the guys on there are interesting enough to jerk off with on skype,
and being that they are all swingers,
the chances they are exhibitionists is high.

funny thing is,
mostly everyone on the site is a man...
does that mean that women swingers are more shy
or that only gay men go on these sites
pretending to be straight swingers?
either way...

so, here's what i did today,
i created a wallpaper for you to download and use on your computer...
see what boredom does.
just click it, save it, and use it.
it can also be printed and used as book covers or wrapping paper.
don't say i never did anything for you.

fucked up but true...

it's kinda fucked up...
i have been laying out my next book,
perfectly titled J/O, my initials,
and what i hope you'll do with the book in hand,
and as i scroll through images,
i am getting nervous because,
all of my favorite shots,
the ones that are the most extreme and insane
were all taken when i was high...
the other shots are good, i love them,
but they are missing the edge i had when i was
chain smoking crystal meth...

i'm going back and forth now,
i mean, would i have ever been able to take the edgy insane shots
i took before, had i not been a crack head?
or would i probably have a very successful career, shooting for Macy's?
it's a strange realization,
and one i never dreamed i'd ever be asking myself.
i always considered what i do, just that,
what i do.
i never understod the complexity the drugs had one me...
i do have to say it, truthfully...
i'm glad i was a crackhead...
bcause it opened my mind, eys and soul to somethings i never would have seen...
am i a lunatic?
but the proof is in the work,
and the T-inspired images are pretty fuckin sick,
and beautiful...
it's scary.

My Way

i did what i did,

and that's all that i did...

it didn't mean a thing,

so stop making it such a big deal...

it was nothing anyway,

was for fun, just for play,

now you're getting obsessed

and it's making me depressed!

it was nothing,

not a big deal,

didn't harm me at all,

it was a way to spend a few hours

besides hitting the mall...

so shut up

stop it, listen,

this has gone far enough,

just let's move on and

move forward,

from this silly stuff.

i did it,

it's over,

i'll do it again,

so be quiet

it's my thing,

couldn't you just be my friend?