i was almost an abortion

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Cute boys in love

Cute boys in love 42.1 (Gay movie)

                              his name came up this week,
funny how, i had almost forgotten all about it. crazy...how could i?
the first one, the one i thought was it, everything, forever, impossible, yet something i was prepared to fight for, no matter how bad the battle. he was my best friend for almost 3 years, we played football together every fall, double dated, played fooseball, and pac man non-stop, and were with each other, nearly every other second of the day, if not, we were attached by the ear on my mothers "new" cordless phone. she was so modern...
and so, one day, we were alone at my parents house, they were out playing poker with their friends, my sister was out at her girlfriends for the night, and Bill and i had the house to ourselves. we were starving, so Pizza-Hut was mandatory, as well as a quick shoplifting of candy at the grocery store down the street. when we got home, both bloated from too many cokes and a large everything pan pizza, which is always extra greasy...we crashed on the couch together, each of us took back support from an arm while our legs opened up to each other and locked somewhere around the foot, securing us both on the couch completely not gay, or gay intended...i swear. we were watching Saturday Night Live when i got up and asked if he wanted any ice cream,  he said "yea bitch, get me my ice cream!" and laughed, i joked saying "yes Massa!" and ran into the kitchen. when i got back into the living room, Bill was striped down to his "Calvin Klein", designer underwear, which i had told him seemed way too gay, cause, like, who needs designer underwear for $12. when Hanes are the same thing, really, but he said i didn't understand cause i wasn't as big a ladies man as him, and didn't have cause to drop trou and show off my underwear as much as he did...which, was a lie, well, not really...
so when i saw his standing there in the bathroom next to the living room, flexing his biceps and showing off for himself in the mirror, i broke out laughing hysterically. "what a fag!" I shouted...at which point he bolted out of the bathroom and tackled me down to the floor, playfullly, saying he was gonna kick my ass. i laughed and struggled, i mean, he was definitely the better athlete of the two of us, and strong as a ox, but i ut up a good fight until he got me down on the ground and out of nowhere had me in a hold with his thighs wrapped around my head, his crotch in my face, and his teen-stink emanating from his sweaty hairless torso. "yea, you say i'm a fag, but i bet you'd suck my dick, gayboy" he said, his balls rubbing against my nose as i tried to hide the fact that i was sniffing deeply as quiet as possible. "fuck you fag" i said, and then, it happened...
"did you ever think about sucking a guys dick?" he asked me.
"hell no" i said, lying so blatantly it now seems shocking he didn't already know...
"this is gonna sound gay n shit, but, i jerked off a few times thinking about you suckin my dick, and me suckin yours.." he said, so honestly, so nervously, so unexpectedly, that i knew for definite that what he was saying was not a scheme to get me to say i did too, but a true deep hidden thing he needed to get out. "really?" i said..."yea..." he said...at that second, his dick jumped in his shorts, and my sweaty forehead, somehow, nudged closer to his crotch, opened my mouth a little, and wrapped my lips open onto his Calvin's, and when i looked up into his eyes, they were wide open, staring down at me, and smiling...and that was the beginning of a very unbelievable affair that lasted 4 more years. 

where is he now? i wondered the other day, whats his life like...is he married? is he gay? is he alive? does he ever think of me?
is he still, in the back of my mind, 
the one real true love of my life?
 maybe...probably, yea. 
i miss you,  Bill Safford.
i hope it all worked out for you...
and most of all, either way, i hope your happy.


DANGER! -ALERT! unlawful entry found-

Kraftwerk - Trans Europe Express (longversion)

it's been like putting needles into my eyelids every time i've signed on here lately...i again, for zero reason, was banned from posting, reacting to posts, even liking or disliking them...
Facebook is a a multi-leveled power conglomerate that obviously knows more than we what is good and bad for society. they are wiser men, presumably white, who have traveled the globe possibly even the universe, and have seen joy, such joy that we commoners will never know anything about, and they have seen devastation that rocks and ruins communities, destroys religious beliefs of any and all kinds, and unites through selective segregation, only the ones who are wise enough to understand and seek out the only pure and honest "truth". 

thank you FB, wiser ones, for now as i humbly can begin my day of servitude to humanity with a better, wiser, more thought out and researched "what's on your mind" quote of the moment. i feel as though my silly, childish eyes have been widened with hope, are now bulging with pride, and will pop the fuck outta my god damned white trash head because you offered me the chance to know how foolishly idiotic and stupid i truly am, and so, without further ado, i will again let your careful sense of monitoring me and my foolish diminutive FB "friends" without ever questioning your motives, morals, judgments or prejudices and say nothing more, ever, to conflict or expose any other views, other than yours...  thank you, oh wise ones. 
thank you, ever so...

my eyes have been opened.


sticky fingers

The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter (The ILLuminoids Remix)

it actually didn't really even make but two shits difference when where or if he got caught...
the fact was, he was going down.

caught red handed fingers jammed deep in the wrong place at the wrong time, but fuck it, in a way, he knew that now he'd forever have the knowledge that this shit was not a fantasy, but the real mutherfuckin deal, and no one could deny him that fact,
not now, not ever.
so, fuck it, he did it.
who cares.

who the fuck really cares anyway, he's just a kid, normal kid, a little too handsome for his own good,
he must say, but,
it helped him, 
get off with murder.

cause in the long run, the real truth of the real matter of life is, no matter what anyone trys n tells ya, it's this...
it really, really, DOES matter who the cutest ones are, because in a way, they are superior to you, me, all of us, just because they got blessed without getting shit kicked sideways by the ugly stick. people really do care that this handsome boy would never,
 in a million years, 
EVER, do such a thing like that on purpose...

i mean,
 after all,
 he's Catholic for Christs sake.
what the fuck?

it musta been that damn MTV...