i was almost an abortion

Friday, August 31, 2012

23,999,999,999 people

there's literally billions of people walking our planet daily,
but yet, we see not even .00099% of them,
if that,
and the chances of us leaving our small villages, no matter how large,
and meeting that person in hong kong or malasya or italy fir that matter,
are slim to never gonna happen...
and the other problem is,
we know all these people exist,
but never see them,
BUT, the people we see every day,
we try desperatly to avoid,
as we can't stand the sight of them...
it's the way of the world,

tomorrow i leave for montreal for a long weekend of promoting my new book...
i am excited because i get to meet new people, talk about new ideas
examine and research foreskin and huge cocks of the natives,
and become more in touch with my fan base, who, i always adore seeing and hearing from.
today is almost gone,
and all in all, i hung out and made contact with only 4 people,
2 of whom i was having sex with...
so, again,
it's the way of the world as we know it,
and i wouldnt change a thing..

dj j


everything moves on,
flower grow,
caterpillars become butterflys,
young get old,
old get their faces lifted,
it's a vicious cycle,
but it's the way of the world,
and it won't change,
nor can it.
but you can always fight it,
and if you try hard enough,
you can morph everything from your past
and make it gracefully evolve into something beautiful,
like our friend the butterfly does.
just cause it started out as ugly
doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever.
just cause your getting old
doesn't mean you can't stay youthful,
if not rejuvenated.
music and the masters who push and evolve it to fit each generation
makes me always feel like maybe i'm not getting so old,
maybe if i listen to and memorize Nicki Minaj
i'll be, what i truly believe i am,
a 12 year old pregnant black gurl.
well, see, it worked,
i'm in the same room right now with the 25 year old heart breaker
watching and listening to him spin.
it's not Nicki, but i like it,
and i feel good,
his music evokes old school references he could have not heard originally,
because he was in his mothers womb,
but  he's mastered it, and he brings it.
and so, evolution is occuring as we speak
in front of my eyes,
i am becoming a child again...

he's mastered it, and he brings

Thursday, August 30, 2012

"One More Try"

Kristine W "One More Try" (Junior's Factory Mix)

down n out.
it's been way too long since the pendulum has swung back from where it somehow stopped, and left hanging in mid air...my life as well as the pendulum on the steep clock tower that overshadows me, never letting sunlight show through, keeping me black, untanned and unenergized. nothing good grows around me, it's a barren field of weeds and dried grasses that don't look pretty, just clutter the yard and annoy the neighbors.
oh, poor me..
one more try, it's not a lot to ask.
is it?
once i didn't even need one chance, and was given plenty of them,
most of which i squandered and demolished and sucked up my nose...
the good old days.
so, i been looking for a new apartment, home, office space to move the only man i ever really loved, Buddy, into. this morning i woke up early, excited, ran to the computer and the very 1st apartment listing i found, i loved. i called, and ran over to Brooklyn to see it asap. i loved it, i imagined what id do to it, how id make it amazing, and mine...20 minutes after leaving the apartment, after signing an application for it, i got a call saying it was already taken...my heart, crushed again...fell into gloom, and depression kicked in. all day, every other apartment i saw, i hated. it isn't fair.
everything i want is everything i can't have. amazing careers, jobs, apartments are dangled in front of my face, and then, when i get up the courage to reach, thinking this must be the time i'll receive rather than give, it gets snatched away, in an instant, and i'm left shaking my head, ready to cry, and shaking in disbelief. one more try...
just one.
all i want is the chance to start my life over again, begin fresh, revisit my childhood fantasy of being an independent man who isn't afraid of anything, isn't ashamed, isn't scared. just isn't anything, but is happy. is loyal, is content, and is, a man, who, besides anything else in this world, is a man who is getting very tierd of tripping over my shoelaces, stepping into puddles, and slipping on banana peels that appear from nowhere. i need this to stop. i am trying...goddamn it, i am trying, so hard.
i'm almost ready to say fuck it and just live out my life as a hermit...
but i'd have to be missed for anyone to even care and make it worth my distance and depression...
i know, i'm a mess,
but a mess is still human too,
one more try,
please God...
thats all i really need...


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

evolution comes full circle.

dusk turned into darkness which faded into dawn.
dawn becomes morning, daytime,
by the time it starts to form.
and so from very little steps
comes leaps and bounds above the rest.
for it's the quiet one that has the most to hide,
nothing he gives away,
except his fear of being caught red handed.
where can he go to next?
what wouldn't bore him,
would give him the freedom he always craved, and got,
and when and how would/could/should this happen.
he was exhausted.
worn down,
only the smallest ambition was left in him.
his once steel balls
were not responding to their situation...
or maybe they were.
he was left solo, alone, abandoned by the very ones who once
raised him to glory,
stood beside and behind him,
pushed and created the monster that dies to young.
it was about to get a Hollywood ending,
as the monster somehow survived,
morphed into something new,
and became the extreme ruler of the world.
it could happen.
it could.

now, to just get it started...
were the people he once surrounded by just waiting in anticipation to see him fall?
or, were they anxious to see how far and high he would soar this time?

time would tell.

one way or another,
he knew he, in the end, may not ever be happy again.
and for a second,
he almost cried.


fear and loathing in nyc

is it fear or loathing that keeps me safely. securely satisfied with everything i don't want. as i look around, i can't make sense of some things that i used to take for granted. ho are we i wonder...
i know i'll never get an answer to that timeless question, but it sure would be nice to at least have some of the tension in my back and shoulders released just because i could relax, if even for a little.
as i search for a new home, i begin wondering why i have to settle. although theres everything i was and a new generation of it now, they have a more modern, dont care what the fuck kind of whimsical lyrical dont fuck with me i know better mentality.
but who are we, really.
who am i anyway i ask myself over and over again.
i had one career, sacrificed it for another, and now i'm sacrificing myself, my mind, my body, my soul, and my home...
i'm lost.
i want to wake up from this dream...
it's from my own valition though,
so, i guess i deserve the outcome i get.
but i do feel it,
i can hear it in the distance,
it speaks loudly in my ear at night,
whispering, and then shouting,
what the boy must do is make descisions that
for his whole life, he avoided.
theres no time left,
strike 2, bases loaded, and strike!
the cat's 9th life...
the final chapter in the epic novel that becomes a television "comedy" spin off, which then becomes a movie, which in turn becomes action figures, etc. etc., etc.
it's all too insane.
it's all too scary.
it's here.
now is the time mr. oppedisano.
make the right choices.
everything before was a test.
everything from here on out
is the real deal.
and i'm afraid.
but i'm also invigorated.
having gotten rid of some ideas and rituals i go through upon returning to the city, now i can concentrate, search, climb, run, walk, kneel, and beg...for it to all come around and make me forgive myself for forgetting who i am, was, can be.
it's the finale.
teres somethng sad about it,
yet, it's a "comedy" with special guest stars Tony Danza and Mellissa Guilbert.
it's all too mde up for a fairytale ending...
the comeback kid.
the return,
everyone loves a good come-back story...

don't they?

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

without love

The Doobie Brothers - Long Train Runnin (sure is pure rmx)

down around the corner,
1/2 a mile from here
ya see them long trains running,
and you watch em disappear.
without love
where would you be now?

without love
there would be no reason to try.
no reason to wake up,
only reaon to cry.
no one to hold
no one to kiss
no one to stand by your side
no one  to miss.
nothing to anticipate
nothing to cherish
no one to make you wait
no one to embarrass
no one to kiss goodnight
no one to hold you tight
no one with who you love to fight
it would be a tragic oversight
if there was no love
in the air tonight.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Like A Virgin 2012

Madonna Vs Calvin Harris - Like A Virgin 2012 (Dj FmSteff Mash-Up Radio ...

i'd been had!
i was sad and blue,
but you made me feel,
shinny and new...
gonna give u all my love boy,
me fear is fading fast,
strap on a dildo
and fuck your ass!

i have everything i needed to get done today
in record time i might add.
amazing what a good nights sleep can do for you.
i feel like a virgin,
clean, fresh, untouched by molesting hands
that want nothing more than to bring me down.
i made it through the wilderness.
somehow i made it through,
2 weeks of hell and solitude.
so now i know
what i don't want,
lesson learned,
i get it,
you think i'd do the same thing over?
you're wrong,
get lost,
move on.
you're about to see
an amazing feat
on larger scales
than can be believed.
no smoke and mirrors
no tricks or schemes
it's now or never,
and it's extreme.
another place
another time,
i see what's coming,
i'm gonna make it mine.



upward & onward

Whitney Houston feat. Michael Jackson - For The Lovers

it's been a long, crazy week,
all i want is a little time...
to kick back, unaware of just how unkind
every second of every day
takes control and turns away
another page
of your life's decay.
and one day you wonder
where did it go?
wheres the boy i used to know
but he is gone,
away to far
from where you thought
he'd be, a star.
his star burned quick,
his star burned bright,
his eye created
visions of unimaginable delight.
and now he looks ahead, not back,
upward and onward
is the new plan of attack.
to be what he once thought he'd be,
what he knows is truely
his destiny.

it's out there...

i love scouring the internet for the most inappropriate imagery imaginable...
and it's out there.
my favorite, to date, is this insane piece of homo-erotica
insanity or hypermasculinity?
that is the question...



Dimitri From Paris - A Very Stylish Girl (Pull From NYC Mix)

how do i look?

i WAS a very stylish girl,
at one point, i was sent garment bags every season from designers like Michael Kors, Dolce & Gabbana, John Bartlett, bla bla bla....
thats another lifetime ago...
now a days, i find my style in other less impressive places. my taste for vintage and my knowledge of style, and my love of deconstructionism, make it hard for people to tell if what i'm wearing is actually expensive, designer fabulosity, or just some rag i literally picked up off the street. most times, it's both.
David Dalrymple is always my source of outrageously shredded to perfection ensembles, and he always is one who can throw something together, step back, and go in for the kill with a pair of shears in one hand, rolls of fabric or something glittery in the other, cigarette in his mouth.
it's the ONLY way to work.
he is a very stylish girl.
this weekend, i kick off the J/O world tour and am headed up to Montreal for a very stylish, very fabulous, very "who's who" pre-Black & Blue event in gorgeous Montreal. i am bringing 5 models onstage while the masses of muscle descend and dance, decadently, on the dancefloor. it's an event i'm psyched fr, as i'm working with the ONLY House of Luxury/Fetish/Kink in Montreal, the legendary Fetiche Armada and the Kinky Boys, who i know will bring their uncut monster cocks stuffed into fashions that make your mouth water (not the cocks, the fashion, silly!)
so, if you haven't marked anything in your calendars for this weekend, now's the time to get out of Pittsburgh and explore other worlds, where the men aren't cheap, as they all charge by the minute....

here's how the kids in NYC brought it for a similar event for the Black Party 2 years ago.

and what's on ur mind little girl?

what's on my mind,
today is the last day of the old me.
tomorrow is another day,
and so,
f*@# it.
i learned,
i get it.
i'm done playing games.
mama's back!

I Eat Cannibals

I Eat Cannibals - Remixed for Winnie Yu's Birthday Party 2010 ~

















when you wake up

it will be as if nothing before ever existed,

or never again would be.

it's the dawn of a new day,

a peaceful day

a day when man takes his final step into his evolution.

he has reached it, full circle,

and he no more cares to make the same mistakes twice.

when he opens his eyes,

he sees everything more clearly,

processes everything he hears with a sharper perception of where we were just 10,000 years ago...

we were cavemen.


and so, we do not ever want to take one step back,

not even for a day.

and so, he is man.

no longer child, no longer beast,

but man.




and a new day has begun.