i was almost an abortion

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

where do i begin?

when exactly did time slip through my fingers so quickly
that i forgot who i was and forgot what year it was,
forgot where i was and forgot what day of the week i thought it was,
and forgot who i was with, because i somehow misplaced about 20 years
and in that wasted, lost and/or stolen time,
i became an adult,
not just any adult, but, THE adult in the room....
the one with good judgement,
wise analytical thought processes,
intelligent ways of handling awkward situations
when/if/why the seem to come up...
the one everyone looks to as the daddy,
the one who knows better,
the one who is over it all,
when everyone else
(the young-ins)
are having a blast.

it hit me when i looked around the room im in right now
and the boys are laughing,
showing off their skinny white pasty bodies,
having sex, enjoying their youth/freedom and sexuality,
and here i am,
typing thios and wondering...
what happened to me?
i know what happened to me,
it's called time.
and speaking of time,
i think it's just about time
for me to get the fuck outta here...


Moves Like Jagger (YoungLife Remix) - Maroon 5 Ft. Christina Aguilera

and it goes like this...

other people have to try,
i dunno,
don't ask me why!
i never ever had to try,
cause i took to the sky n fly so high.
other dimensions
in outter space
no resemblance
to this tierd ol place.
and from above
i look down
no one knows
that i'm around,
i just fly nice
and i entice
the things i need
come to me, indeed...
i never had
to ask for much
it fell in my lap,
didn't need a crutch,
but now i'm older
and maybe need
some guidance to
take the lead.
put me back
from outter space,
and in my life
to take my place...
when destiny
takes hold of me,
you'll never see
anymore of me.
but it will be
something to see,
trust me boy,
let me be me.

a million years

Tristan Garner vs Crystal Waters - Gypsy Woman 2009 (Original Radio Edit)

she wakes up early every morning,
just to do her make-up,
her hair wouldn't be right,
without her makeup...
she's just like u n me,
but she's homeless....
she's homeless....

and here i am, back again,
in a dreamwold,
like Neverland.
i hope that soon
i'll fly away,
make a trip,
and a home to stay.
i never thought
in a million years
that after all this time,
i'd still be here....


sometimes what you see
isn't exactly, what you get.
sometimes in your head, you saw it like a dream,
but when you wake up it's all regret.
sometimes it isn't even close
to how you once envisioned it,
because your minds eye saw something,
simply quite magnificent,
when you get up close you notice
something that's the opposite.
smoke n mirrors
thats the trick,
make them dream
let their minds play silly tricks,
to think the things you want them to think,
but in the here and  now they see
maybe your shit do stink...
then you can pull back the curtain,
show it all,
stand back, enjoy,
while their mouths fall.

so what do i do now?
where do i turn?
i've used up all my resources,
burned too many bridges,
fought battles with friends that never needed to happen,
did what i shouldn't do, again,
alienated family,
and now,
here i am,
whats a boy to do...

to be continued...

begin at the begining

on the third day when he woke up
the blow up mattress he had been sleeping on
was no longer,
in fact, all it was was plastic deflated beneath him.
not very comfortable.

on that day, when he rose from the floor to grab some coffee  to wake him up peacefully,
he didn't notice any whifting fragrant freshly ground beans percolating,
he didn't, because, well, there weren't.

when he groggily got himself situated and awake by smoking the last near butt of a cigarette
he had left in the bottom of his backpack,
he noticed his stomach growling, and when he turned and headed toward the kitchen,
was actually surprised that when he opened the refrigerator door,
there was nothing inside.

how sad when you have to depend on the kindness of others, he thought,
but, really, who was he to say anything...
he, had nothing.