i was almost an abortion

Thursday, May 16, 2013

everyday creates your History


Today i looked down and saw a dandelion that had lost the yellow flower to become a puff of magnificent something, whatever they become, but a ball of it, perfectly shaped, perfectly round, perfectly divine. i reached out with my fingers and snipped it at the base which is a wonderful plasticy substance with white goo that drips out when you snip it. why nature developed this goo i'll never know, but i love it as a gorgeous detail that is always there, and yet, somehow, you'd forgotten about it. that's what makes the perfect things truly perfect, is that they don't try to be perfect, they just are. if they tried, they'd surely have been stepped on by a lady in heels, mowed down by blades, or had been picked much too early by a kid in first grade. so it's time would have never been granted, and the most perfect thing is, it's still there because it's supposed to be there. at this time, this place. and for this moment, it is part of what makes the world spin, the winds blow, the waters rise and the rest, as they say, is history. because by tomorrow, a wind may come, a dog may run, or a kid will fall and it won't be so perfectly perfect for much longer...so it basks in the sun and enjoys it's days of glory.

click here:

words of the hopelessly hopeless

we always want what we probably should never have...we seek out the things that are out of reach, and even though we know we can't ever have them, the thought of settling for something similar seems vulgar, but the idea of struggling and trying, doing without so that maybe one day...seems noble. reach for the stars, just don't reach into another galaxy. 

i'm trying to find a better place to relax, unfold and find my space. it's been so long since my mind's been fine...i want to sleep deep, laugh loud, be quiet, unwind...i seek the comfort that only time will allow. and rushing into this is not the way to work it out. i thought that my life was a perfect balance but then learned that i was wrong, it was insane n i lived careless. is there hope for the hopelessly hopeless? can they let it all go out of their heads, let it all evaporate into space and understand that they are not so bad, they need help, they are loved, and that maybe should start listening to their own words because, in fact, they are speaking to themselves, but are too deaf to hear their own voice when it speaks, or trust the mind and what it is trying to say...it's not speaking in tongues or Spanglish, Ebonics even, but it's speaking to me directly, and is loosing patience with me.

click here:
as many times as i hit replay, it still makes me cry. as soon as the orchestra starts, my eyes well...i know she's talking to me, but why can't it get through to my brain that is going insane, got nothing to do except bitch, moan and spew evilness into the world...can it be? am i the true devil? am i Satan? can it be?
i was here for a reason.
maybe i'm the one who they await for, or is that just me being over dramatic??
no...that's not me...