i was almost an abortion

Thursday, June 14, 2012

james "erik" rhodes, my brother

today was just a lousy day.

it started bad, as it went on, decayed.
and then i got a call that sent me
further down a road i didn't see
coming at me,
so very fast,
the end of someone
that defined my past.
my friend,
my brother,
a man unlike
no other.
i miss him, already.
so sad, but something made me see that our paths crossed for a reason.
he was the biggest of all the stars,
his life and image
made up of scars.
but pure and gentle,
sweet and nice,
he's not what hi image
portrayed him to be.
he wrote the forward for my newbook,
i just got it this past week,
i hated his email address, and so,
i yelled at him for seeing and describing himself the way i think he really
truly did, see himself.
and it was so wrong.
here's his email to me, and my response.
i love u james.
i miss u already

For book...

Bigdumbjames@yahoo.com bigdumbjames@yahoo.com
Jun 8 (6 days ago)
to me
When I first saw Joes work I thought to myself  "I never thought being so dirty could look so sexy".  It was only after working with him did I really get to his geniunes in capturing a man in his most raw, unedited and sexiest form. He has carved a path that has  inspired so many to try and recreate his vision but they just can't close. There is only one Joe O!

Sent from my iPhone
Joe Oppedisano
Jun 9 (5 days ago)
to bigdumbjames
why is ur screenname that? ur so far from dumb...big maybe, yes, but you are something of an extraordinary man...
u don't know the potential u have james...dont let the studios hold u down,
don't ever think your less than.
we share a lot of the disease that people in our industry have...we think because we do "porn" that we are second rate...when in fact, there is something so genuine and sincere about what we do, how we are not ashamed to show it like it is, that we sometimes think we do it because we lack other things..
it's taken me a long time to realize that. i'm starting to try and see myself the way i am, and not what i should be or could be.
i love u baby, thank you for writing that...it's sweet, and it helps me realize that people i consider amazing, like you, actually think highly of me and my work.
thank u baby.
call me sometime bitch!