i was almost an abortion

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

so, what's next?

                  so, what's next?
       where do u go when you've already gone down the side roads and back alleys, been to heaven and hell and then some?
you've wreaked havoc, broke barriers, signed your name, exposed yourself,
there's no where left to turn run, or hide...
                     nothing more to be said.
because you've already said too much,
didn't even know you had all that to say.
and the returns on the investments 
                     that you've already made
            show no sign of life, just decay.
and the more of you that you give
leaves them expecting double the next time.
wondering who, when, where, why,
                but never asking "how much?"  or exclaiming "how divine!"
              when you give it away for free,
           you hope that it someday pays off.
        the idea that it will be appreciated 
        or returned 
just goes to waste, 
it won't happen.
     so leaves your mouth with a bad taste...
what more do you want?
what more do you need?
i'm bleeding, i'm breathless, i've empty...
               but you still say "whatever.."
               expect more more more!
and if it isn't perfection,
                     you just close the door.
so now, exhausted from the ideas i've lent
from my open book of a life, sans repent,
             my head dropped from exhaustion,
             my mind empty and spent,
             nothing more i can do, nor say,
             lifeless, i lay...
all alone in the cold room
no one asks "you okay?"
that would be all to kind,
too much to ask, i must say.
           nothing's late, nothing's needed, 
          nothing's pressing, nothing's left,
         and so again i ask you,
         so now, what's next?
                             can you tell me?
                            do you even care?
             or am i just here to be drained?
             left empty, broke and exposed...
nothing inside me remains.
                 there's got to be something.
                         there must be a way.
          when you give all that's inside you
          you hope someday they'll repay...
but all you can do is cross fingers 
                      and just hope and pray.
                 but the masses are fickle...
                  they've already moved on...
                           to the next thing,
                                 the new one,
          the hot trend of the moment, which,
         has no idea what's about to come...
         cause their times almost done.
will they ever stop and say thank you?
ever give credit where it's due?
ever say "wow, amazing!"
that would be too good to be true.

so once more, i repeat
 because i don't have a clue...
i ask you, what's next?
 no reply?
why would you?

don't even know why i'm upset,
no, i guess i do...
it's the way of the world
but it's time that they knew...
              this drains everything from me.
              i honestly think that i'm done,
             but then something inside stirs,
      and the whole process again, has begun.
God, please, this time, save me... 
                   let me learn from my past. but i know better about me, and i know this won't last.

as i look up to the sky, right into the sun,
              i know that i've already lost
                     and again, you have won.


as was very typical for him...
although he talked and talked
virtually non-stop,
and about anything...
to ANYONE who would listen,
he really had absolutely nothing
of importance at all to say.
but that didn't stop him anyway...

can't sleep, again, i just toss and turn, right side, left side, fix the pillows, re-fix them, start again..oooh, now i'm thirsty...so i get up, and while i'm there i decide i should try and pee before i head back to bed. so on the way to the bathroom i pass the computer, and think it wise to check my mail..cause i always get important mail at 4am...so, after facebook, gmail, and a piece of pumpkin pie, i decide that i will cruise around and find what things might excite me...and, somehow, i stumble across this Unm Thurman sex link, which is really inly badly Photoshoped porn pics with Uma's head pasted on...yet...i'm intrigued..

           why didn't i think of          that?
 cause i'm too busy doing nothing...i guess...

what's (kinda, very) HOT

http://www.asstr.org/search.phphttp://www.asstr.org/Madonna - Justify My Love (video)

for you...
to justify my love...
to justify something is to give it validity. to make it seem ok, alright, even fine. without justification, things that some may view as "taboo" are things that others just may find hot.
just because it may not be "normal" doesn't mean it's not happening all over the world...maybe even in your own town...or next door.
but it's not for you to judge.
it's not for you to ask why.
because it's only fantasy anyway.

i don't wanna be your mother.
i don't wanna be your sister, too.

talk to me.
tell me your dreams.
that's right.
tell me...
am i in em?

sometimes you just don't even see it coming.
then, there it is...from out of the blue...
and it hits you like a ton of bricks. 
you don't know who what when where or how...
but you know that your no longer the same
 person you were, just seconds before.
and you have to pinch yourself to be sure it's real...because when it's real, i mean, really, REAL... then nothing will ever be the same, ever again.