i was almost an abortion

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Try Again

dusk turned to dawn,
and in those precious hours,
time passed, and wounds healed.
all of the heartbreak once felt
was washed over by a new day, another hope.
and even though some of the past still showed through
there was something quite calming and sobering,
just knowing that what was once troublesome and hurtful,
would soon be gone forever.
it would never be completely forgotten,
for if it was, it wouldn't have been so hard to step away from.
it would serve as a reminder that sometimes, love hurts,
and the deepest cuts are most often made by the ones we love.
they are the ones with the power and knowledge
on how to hurt us the most.
it's sad that the ones who cause the deepest pain
are also the ones who, at one time, we thought we couldn't live without.
it's unfortunate that they couldn't give just a little bit more,
try just a little bit harder,
or listen just a little bit longer.
but then again, if they had,
we wouldn't have had to let them go.

so, at first you didn't succeed,
brush yourself off and try again,
because there is something else waiting,
just around the corner.
something that will make you happy,
make you smile,
and be there for you...always.

...and then, without another tear drop falling,
the sun came out,
and a new day had begun.

all i ever wanted

i never said i was perfect,

perfect is an illusion i was placed under.

perfect is something that is nearly impossible to achieve.

perfect is what i was

before i let myself believe that what you thought, mattered.

now i have given myself the respect

to acknowledge the fact

that i am not perfect.

i know for a fact that what i do

isn't incredible,

it's only superficial,

but i also give myself the credit to know

that i did it my way.

by myself,

without anyone's help.

i climbed every rock,

i swam every sea,

i jumped every canyon,

i flew higher than i ever dreamed i could,

and somehow, to someone,

i made a difference.

maybe i made someone smile.

maybe i brightened someones day.

maybe i made someone laugh.

i never meant to make them cry.

i only wanted to bring joy to the world,

any little way that i could.

i don't have much to give,

but what i give, i hope is good enough.

if i made a difference,

then i succeeded.

and that's all i ever wanted.


i am slowly coming to grips with the fact that, in the end, you die alone. i have seen it all, from good to bad, and what i get from it is, if you want something to change, you have to stand up, look it dead in the eye, and change it. people are not kind, rather, strangers are kinder than friends sometimes. friends are sometimes a little too close, know a little too much, and have a little too much invested to say or do things you really need from them. not that it makes them bad people, it just makes it harder to help when they feel they've helped enough. but isn't that the point of being a friend? reaching out to someone you love, who really needs you? we all go through things, good or bad, but the things we go through mean so much less when there's no one you love by your side. today i learned something very important about life, about people, and about friendship. i learned that if you really want to earn respect and loyalty from others, you have to give it back, freely, without putting restraints or conditions on them. people make mistakes. no one is perfect...but some of us have the ability to grow from our mistakes, while others just perish in them. i used to be sad when i was alone or scared, now it enables me to stand tall, knowing that i can in fact, be alone or scared, and it will all be ok, someday. no one should ever make you feel bad. no one has the right to make you feel less than. no one is better than you. the only times people use their evil words to their advantage are the times when they themselves know, for a fact, that they are actually less than. because they cannot come to grips with this fact, they turn their ugliness into a mirror, and try to deflect it away from themselves, and onto you. it proves nothing, except that they are typical. and typical is not something anyone really ever wants to be. everyone wants to be a star, everyone wants to be great...but the great ones are great, only because they don't resort to being ugly. they are secure enough to ask you how you feel, what's going on, and how you are doing. the most beautiful person in the world looses their beauty when they show their true colors, and the colors are not pretty. just being kind, being secure, and being a good person is, in the end, enough. if you listen to these words, try and live by them. be a friend. be kind. be generous. be greatful. and in the end, when all is said and done...i promise you, you will be enriched with an amazing life.

live your life to the fullest...and enjoy it.

because it's short.

dedicated to my ex, brad Romaker, who, today showed his true colors, and they were very ugly.