i was almost an abortion

Saturday, January 7, 2012

the time has come...

it's time to get to work.

seven days have already been deleted from 2012, and i will not waste one more of them.

procrastination has always been a friend of mine, but this year, i'm saying goodbye and starting tomorrow, shutting the door on it. the time is now, the moment is here, the clock is ticking...

there's something i need to do. something i've been putting off for a long time...

see, i had this idea a few years back, and i can't get it out of my head, still.

here's the thing, i have done many things in my life that some would consider, hmmm....questionable? some good, some bad, lots more bad, and a little more good thrown in, from fashion editor/stylist for L'Uomo Vogue to photographer of erotic men, was an escort for almost 20 years, did a few porns, and was a drug addict to where i am now. i have seen maybe too much, but loved every second of my twisting ride, worked with the very best from every industry, and learned a lot more from them all. so where do i go now? this can't be the end...as my mind races and my creativity spins out of control in an A.D.D. pace. i have become something odd in this world, because i can do so many things, but can't seem to focus long enough to start or finish any one of them...

so i've had this idea (see how off track i can get).

in the world we live in, there are few things that have as much love/hate attached to it than porn. people are shocked when you do it, yet love it, and watch it over and over...but what i see, i don't get. it rarely excites me, and for the most part, bores me. when i watch porn with friends or tricks, they always end up yelling at me because all i do is complain about the styling of the clothes or the lighting. i watch it, and all i see is my friends having sex, which makes it not very "hot" for me. i want to see something else. in my head, i can envision it, and it's something quite unconventional, as it's not really porn...it's more extreme than sexual encounters, and it turns you on in the same moment it freaks you out.

it's slick and glossy in the style of Italian Vogue, yet it has the sense of humor and realness of BUTT magazine. it's at both ends of the spectrum from home made to professional high def. but it keeps you looking, guessing, and hopefully hard.

my images have that sense, i think...and so, i am hoping they will translate into film.

so, look out, beware, it's coming...don't hate me if it takes a little longer than you'd think, remember i'm A.D.D. and my attention gets diverted easily...but what i have in my head i can't keep inside any longer...so there. i've said it aloud...i'm going to change porn!