i was almost an abortion

Friday, May 11, 2012


Nicki Minaj - Starships

it's the edge of 17 again for me.
the edge of the cliff that i feel ready to jump off
and fly high.
there's no turning back,
no looking back,
only forward and ahead...
there's no meaning to the word failure in my vocabulary.
there's not any more chances,
anymore trying,
anymore almost,
only one option i see,
and it's straight ahead in plain sight.
i can taste it.
i can touch it.
the universe has spiraled me up, down and all around so many times.
leaving me with a book of knowledge that is specific to me.
you have your own,
we all do.
so now it's the time,
the place,
the moment,
to make it happen.
no more "next time..."
theres this time,
this is it.

cause starships were meant to fly,
enter, and touch the sky
can't stop cause i'm so high...

midnight in the garden of good and evil

in the garden of good and evil.
i've been up all day,
didn't get a minute of sleep last night,
and now, after a two hour nap,
i feel once again rested.
but the daunting task of finishing my book
is not yet over.
the publisher isn't completely happy.
they like the hardcore images,
although not too hardcore...
the pictures i believe to be the most amazing
visually and artistically,
are to be edited out due to their violent nature.
shockingly enough,
germany has a law against such images...
the country that gave us the most horrifying crimes to humanity,
is the same one that now doesn't allow a photo of a man pissing,
or even a shot of a man playfully pretending to commit suicide.
that may sound interesting,
the playful suicide bit,
but in reality, the fact is,
artistic freedom and expression,
are being compromised.
there is nothing so hideously cruel or unusual in these images
that they should be excluded.
and if so, if they are edited out,
doesn't that mean that my freedom is being violated?
or is it just that i have been raised in a society
to think that i am above the law in such issues?
i don't think i'm crossing any lines,
no one was ever hurt when being photographed,
and the vision in my head was never to make light of violence,
instead, it was to show, in a world of men,
what different ones do to get off.

i once dated a new york city cop,
big hot blonde dude,
huge cock, thick, muscled, intimidating.
once, i was sucking him off, and trying my best to deepthroat him,
while he seduced me with his moans and coaxed my head down,
i felt secure and in love,
until in an instant,
he pulled out his cock and shoved in a pistol.
the cold metal of the gun and the situation i was now in,
presented me with the shocking conclussion my body had,
as i came instantly.
there were no bullets in the gun,
there was no real great fear,
but the excitement and exotic thrill,
sent me over the edge.
does that make me sick?
but it was an uncontrollable  force that i had nothing to do with.
my brain did that, and showed me that extremes can be erotic.

so, where does that leave me?
where do i start to disagree and discard the fear of my publisher?
how do i present my view and vision
without these images that i believe are so important to the book as a whole?
where do i take this and to what court?

                                                        if you never read this, do it now.