i was almost an abortion

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


miracles happen every day.
more than that, actually.
some may be so tiny to the naked eye that they are never even actually seen
but the change they have caused in everything around them
makes you know for certain they actually happened.
today, waking up, to me,  is considered a small miracle.
the last few months have been traumatic,
nothing seems to be going my way,
i've tried, and tried again,
i've even started beginning to pray.
but there isn't anyone listening.
no one seems to understand
that i'm in a place i can't fathom,
it's foreign to me
i almost always have a plan
and am in control of my destiny.
but not for four years or more.
since then, it'sdifferent,
and i'm not so sure...
everything i've ever known
had hit a wall
and stopped
and now i'm all alone.
questioning the reasons why
my life has somehow become unknown
to me.
and yesterday was a bad day.
i woke up questioning where i was,
who i was with
and what i'd become...
but this morning laying next to me
before my eyes opened,
i heard them breath
and just that tiny thing told me
i was home,
and felt relieved.
that was a miracle,
for me, anyway.
it told me i would be ok.
if only for today.

caverns of his mind

it's amazing, he thought, just how little 
rest and nourishment the body actually really needs...
it occurred to him that his life was probably almost more than half over at this point, and there had been so many precious memories, incredible trips, wonderful times with family and friends, as well as high and low points, of course, but what they all added up to was, in the end, he thought, good. 
there were times he could naturally recall, which he wasn't exactly proud of, but none he would have ever missed, not even a second of. for it was those times that gave him perspective, showed him a different angle, or way to approach something similar, if, God help him, it ever came up. and it was that knowledge that he kept locked away, deep inside the cavers of his mind, that he cherished most, because they let him know, for fact, that yea, he might-a fucked up, but he was still here, he was still strong, and he was still alive.