i was almost an abortion

Monday, January 2, 2012


winter's here.
the cold is in my bones, but not my heart,
as i sit and type,
i am starting to understand myself just a little better,
every second.
i am beginning to see just how much i really mean
to myself, and others,
but my own self worth is really most important.
i am beginning to see that i am not such a mess,
such a fuck up
such a nobody,
and am beginning to comprehend that
i am actually a normal person.
i'm not special,
just normal,
and in my normalicy, i am finding peace.
when i think of all of my short comings,
i get depressed...
when i think of all i've done in the 23, i mean, 44 3/4 years of my life, i am astounded at hgow much i've achieved,
how much i've learned, and passed on.
it makes me happy to know i'm not such a fuck up.
it makes me happy to be alive, and to be here,
right now,

Good Feeling

sometimes, even i, get a good feeling.
the hideous 365 days we'll call 2011 ended gracefully,
nothing crazy,
just 4 friends watching the ball drop on t.v..
it feels like something's different.
something's changed, and also, about to change.
i get a feeling that i'm ready to move up n out.
the day is here,
the time has come,
and it's all falling into place.




a new day.
a new year.
a new beginning.

leaving the past in the past
and accepting the present, as a present,
is the plan.
today would be another day, and all the craziness he had been through the last 44 years would be just that, craziness that he had been through, but not craziness that he would go through.
it was time to stop the madness and move ahead, look beyond, and take whatever steps necessary to make his life better. and so, he began...