i was almost an abortion

Saturday, December 22, 2012

memoirs of an a.d.d. psychotic, neurotic mess who has to deal with a retarded ex

OMG! (people r insane)

all alone and far away
i watch it all slowly decay.
i tried to grasp hold of reality
but it let go, and set me free.
i've asked for help
a billion times,
this time the boy who cried wolf
has really, truly,
lost his mind.
what is going on?
i try to ask.
who cares,
it's going to be over fast.
i used to think that, one day
you'd understand i'm not okay.
you did your best,
i think,
i guess,
perhaps next time
i'll hope for less.
i know it isn't easy to be my friend,
so maybe it's time for it to end.
i have no where to go, it's true,
i'll do just what i always do.
nothing, really, 
except lose my mind.
what's that?
you care?
or are you just being kind?
as the walls around me
come tumbling down
i feel unsteady,
on my face, a frown.
the ground quakes,
my body aches,
for christ sake,
i'm about to break!
one more time,
just once, i'll ask,
help me?
no reply?
well, i guess then, 

on the other hand,
let me get this straight...
i once had visions that what we had was great.
but then you opened up your mouth,
out came crap,
that's when it went south.
so let me say this
loud and clear
your not what you portrayed,
in fact, my dear...
your the mess,
and not i,
i can't believe you made me cry.
your unreal,
why did i feel
that we had something special,
till you broke the deal.
ok, i get it now, it's cool.
now i understand
besides being stupid,
your also cruel.
and now you've proven
who's the fool...

this time was close,
i can't explain,
but i truly thought
i was insane...
but sanity is over rated
caused by those who probably 
a simple fact,
that i'll make now,
just to keep you on track,
cause as a mater of fact,
your not anything, anywhere, anymore,
and never were, never will be, and will never again
treat me that way.
you got it

ok, i'm out!

see...it's already started to work.

2 hours ago 

it's been, honestly, the toughest year of my 26, oops, i mean, 45 years. i have been down to my lowest (i hope) place in life, and hope and pray (yes, i do have faith in a higher being) that the new year coming up is one that can be, even 2 tiny steps better, not just for me, but for everyone...we are all in a bad place...the world is not kind anymore, people have gotten greedy, everything we know is changing, and not in the right direction. but understand one thing, truly, through it all, we are all in this together...we may think that we are alone, sometimes, but then, if you stop and just look around, and are able to be thankful for the things you have, the people that love you, and then look even further and see that, probably, you are actually much better off than most.
we need to make the world a better place, because if we don't try, even a little, than we are headed for a bitter end to what could be a fairy tale story. reach out, be kind, donate, give back...it's up to you, it's up to me, it's up to us, and if we pull together and join as one in the belief that we want and need everything around us to change, grow, blossom and be something that future generations can look back on and be proud of, we must cherish the very things that we sometimes, so easily, forget...that we are stronger, more powerful, and better people, if we put aside our own crap, (once in a while), and just open up, be selfless, understanding, and generous.
it's time people...
you are not on this planet forever...
it's a limited engagement for everyone...
make the world a better place, because, in the long run, it will make you feel better, do better, and quite possibly make everything and everyone, better, all around.

"everything happens for a reason"...i keep telling myself, i hope it's really true, because it's got to...that's why...

i want to just say, thank you, to everyone, for everything that you've given me the past year(s). without you, i'm nothing, and i truly say that, from the bottom of my heart.
happy holidays,
i love you.
xo j/o