what a difference a day makes

 L ate last night, as i tried to relax, from the day i had had, the weeks, months and years of hanging literally in space, suspended by strings, that were about to surely break. i had driven 4 hour to get down to new jersey, but my gps on my phone misunderstood me when i said the address, it heard something else, so i drove round in circles as Buddy hypeventilated, i chain smoked and the battery on my phone died out.
as i finaly pulled up to the curb of my new place, in my 17 foot long u-haul, and my head in a fucked up space, not realizing just how long and big my truck was, i smashed into a car that turned out to be the next door neighbors, which, by coincidence, she had just gotten out of th shop...the police were called, report filed, and alas, we began to unload, and then, with all that behind me, i started to anticipate  had made a wrong move, it was going to be a disaster, i had a string of bad luck following me, and i'd surely detroy anything good that could ever come my way, just because, well, thats me, and so i panicked and freaked out...and what i wrote next was the final thing i did before i passed out for 12 hours...

ITS BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE MY MIND COULD REST, ALTHOUGH I'M SO TIERD, I CAN'T RELAX ENOUGH TO JUST LAY DOWN, BREATHE REAL DEEP, GET MYSELF TO UNWIND, BUT I STILL CAN'T SLEEP. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? A MILLION BOXES PACKED, STARING BACK AT YOU, I TRY TO DO THE BEST I CAN, BUT TONIGHT I JUST DONT GIVE A DAMN. WHEN FINALLY FROM NOWHERE I FEEL AT EASE. OH GOD LET ME FALL ASLEEP REAL SOON, PLEASE, MY MIND STILL RACES MY TEETH ARE CLENCHED, I SWEAR TO GOD, THIS DON'T MAKE NO SENSE...JUST 6 HOURS, MAYBE MORE, I NEED TO SLEEP,  
 

this morning, well, afternoon, around 12, my housemate knocked on my door, bearing smiles and coffee, and as i opened my eyes, in my new bedroom, which has huge windows looking out into the backyard, and as Buddy jumped up, and in my had, still not sure where i was, i layed down for just 10 more minutes so my mind could asess, that i'd left the past now, behind, and whatever crap that i'd been through, no matter how hard i had cried, all the crappy shitholes i'd slept in, they were all in my past...and today, as just another day...



 this is the place i now call home...

thank god that's all over,

now, i have to move on.

and from this day forward,

for the rest of my life

i will only look ahead,

that chapters over,

closed.

the end...