paid in full

not so very long ago,
and not so far away,
i stood before it, shamelessly,
those days had gone away.
the way i used to feel so bad
about such little things
depended upon my having had
a choice in the charade.
no longer would i feel the need
to be better than i was
from now on i'd simply play the game
risking winning against the loss.
it's really no one else' fault
except for mine,
if i won or lost.
i'd live with that,
i'd take the chance,
i'd pay the price my actions cost.

Mom Catches Son

i've been living most of the last 3 years
sleeping in the bed i grew up in,
in the house i grew up in,
with my family.
many illnesses and bad times made it come to be this way,
and i'm miserable about it...
but last night, i had a date,
and instead of just being an adult, having fun, fucking and enjoying my date,
i got a phone call at 2am from my mom who was crying, wondering where i was.
ugh
it's a nightmare.
wht this story now?
cause i just found this video on youtube,
was appalled shocked and disturbed by it,
and had to share.
lol
ugh.