i was almost an abortion

Monday, January 7, 2013

square one

square one.
where it all begins.
not one of us is perfect, we all make mistakes. 
without knowing it, we hurt the people who love us most. we destroy trusts, break hearts, ruin relationships, break bonds, and compromise everything we have for nothing that matters in the end. it's only when it's too late that we understand the values of what we lost. 
that's where i stand now. on the edge of a cliff, looking out on my past, thankful for what i've been given, resentful for what i lost out of stupidity, disgusted  at some of the ways i handled certain things, and hopeful that now, after i have recognized my faults and been shown their consequences,
i am praying for a second chance to make things right. 
i know i ask a lot, i know it's not going to be easy.
but i am going to try my best, little by little, day by day, to  get back to what i want, so badly.

so, here i stand, at  square one.
alone, tired, scared, nervous, and anxious.
yesterday is gone.
tomorrow is another day.
it's time.
i'm ready.
here i go... 

(Where Do I Begin)

where do i begin?
this time, i'm going to start at the beginning,
from scratch.
one step at a time.
step by step.
day by day.
and i know it's not going to be easy...
i'm not a diva, i'm not above, i'm trying. i'm being honest, to myself. and i think that is at least, the first step in the right direction.
last week was last year. today is the start of a new week, year, beginning...it's time. it's now.
this weekend my eyes opened and saw things that i had forgotten existed in normal everyday life. sweetness, softness, kindness, friendship, and understanding that make the hardest times seem ok. even palatable. people come into your life unexpectedly, without warning or a hint of why they are there, and what they will mean to you and who you will become. so, i thank them, and will learn to respect them more from now on. everything i've ever seen, done, experienced has shown me what i want, what i don't. and so now, i can be certain, for sure, that i am in the right place, at the right time, and will, i promise to no one else but myself that,
this time it's gonna be different.
i promise...