i was almost an abortion

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

evolution comes full circle.

dusk turned into darkness which faded into dawn.
dawn becomes morning, daytime,
by the time it starts to form.
and so from very little steps
comes leaps and bounds above the rest.
for it's the quiet one that has the most to hide,
nothing he gives away,
except his fear of being caught red handed.
where can he go to next?
what wouldn't bore him,
would give him the freedom he always craved, and got,
and when and how would/could/should this happen.
he was exhausted.
worn down,
only the smallest ambition was left in him.
his once steel balls
were not responding to their situation...
or maybe they were.
he was left solo, alone, abandoned by the very ones who once
raised him to glory,
stood beside and behind him,
pushed and created the monster that dies to young.
it was about to get a Hollywood ending,
as the monster somehow survived,
morphed into something new,
and became the extreme ruler of the world.
it could happen.
it could.

now, to just get it started...
were the people he once surrounded by just waiting in anticipation to see him fall?
or, were they anxious to see how far and high he would soar this time?

time would tell.

one way or another,
he knew he, in the end, may not ever be happy again.
and for a second,
he almost cried.


fear and loathing in nyc

is it fear or loathing that keeps me safely. securely satisfied with everything i don't want. as i look around, i can't make sense of some things that i used to take for granted. ho are we i wonder...
i know i'll never get an answer to that timeless question, but it sure would be nice to at least have some of the tension in my back and shoulders released just because i could relax, if even for a little.
as i search for a new home, i begin wondering why i have to settle. although theres everything i was and a new generation of it now, they have a more modern, dont care what the fuck kind of whimsical lyrical dont fuck with me i know better mentality.
but who are we, really.
who am i anyway i ask myself over and over again.
i had one career, sacrificed it for another, and now i'm sacrificing myself, my mind, my body, my soul, and my home...
i'm lost.
i want to wake up from this dream...
it's from my own valition though,
so, i guess i deserve the outcome i get.
but i do feel it,
i can hear it in the distance,
it speaks loudly in my ear at night,
whispering, and then shouting,
what the boy must do is make descisions that
for his whole life, he avoided.
theres no time left,
strike 2, bases loaded, and strike!
the cat's 9th life...
the final chapter in the epic novel that becomes a television "comedy" spin off, which then becomes a movie, which in turn becomes action figures, etc. etc., etc.
it's all too insane.
it's all too scary.
it's here.
now is the time mr. oppedisano.
make the right choices.
everything before was a test.
everything from here on out
is the real deal.
and i'm afraid.
but i'm also invigorated.
having gotten rid of some ideas and rituals i go through upon returning to the city, now i can concentrate, search, climb, run, walk, kneel, and beg...for it to all come around and make me forgive myself for forgetting who i am, was, can be.
it's the finale.
teres somethng sad about it,
yet, it's a "comedy" with special guest stars Tony Danza and Mellissa Guilbert.
it's all too mde up for a fairytale ending...
the comeback kid.
the return,
everyone loves a good come-back story...

don't they?