sometimes it hits me,
and i can't stop the waterfall of tears that begins to gush, unexplained from my eyes...is it actually unexplained or is it so obviously obvious as to why i can't help the tears from pouring down...people around me are dying. young. too young. way too young. but what really fucks with me more than the simple fact that my friend is gone, is the way they are treated, misjudged and exploited by people, well, gay men, who hail these men as superstars in their roles as "porn stars", yet as soon as they die, they flip the coin and say horrific things, usually lies, about the same person who's life-like dildo they are sitting on at the same time. oh, i see, you work at the mall in your small hometown...that means your, what? boring? you visited Miami or San Francisco once when you were on layover from your gay cruise...interesting..you think cause you got a raise at Walmart this summer that that makes you "fierce". but you never moved in the fast pace circles that the ones you hail as "hot" did, you never were thrown into the public eye, you never had to be "on" night after night, daily, on stage with a hard-on in front of a room full of gawkers, so, you just don't know what that does to your head, do you? you were there cheering, drooling, screaming, and you took the free dvd he gave you, didn't you? so, why now, and HOW now, do you have the gaul to whisper, or worse, shout out in anger, how awful he was because he did what he did, when he did it, really, because he had to, he had to please YOU...because if he showed up at 50% of what you expected he should be, live and in person, imagine what your glossed lips would have been talking about then...
Joe Oppedisano and Erik Rhodes Vs. Global Warming
Posted by
Erik Rhodes
at
5:30 PM
I was walking home the other night, down 28th street to lex. If your a New Yorker you would know that this just happens to be where all the "50 dollar blow job
in your car" female hookers work. Anyways, i walk past these sluts on a
regular basis, and as oversexed and worn out as there pussies might be,
they always cat call as i walk by. But this time was different. One of
the regular blonds stopped me and said "I know your not "looking", but i
just was wondering why is it that you never smile". Kinda shocked, the
only thing i could respond with was " sorry but i don't
talk with street hookers" and i walked away. I made it half way down
the block before i began laughing to myself. I was actually returning
home for getting my toes sucked for 500 bucks. I'm not sure why i think I'm any better than these sluts, i guess cuz I'm not working a street corner? Maybe cuz i don't
wear fishnets and try to make a quota of at least 10 dicks in my mouth
before i call it a night? Anyways what she said to me, got me thinking.
Is it possible that these street walkers are somehow happier than me? I
mean she called me out, i have walked past them a good enough times, is
my daily unhappiness that obvious that these street hooker feel bad for
me and feel the need to try to provide me with some sort of roadside therapy? Has it got that bad?I guess I'm
never very really happy walking around my building anyways, i always
fear that i will bump into my ex that still lives in my building. At
points i hope to see him, just to walk past him and show him i don't
care anymore, sometimes i wish to see him with whoever he is dating
just to make his new fling feel inferior, other times i kinda wish we
could just be friendly, so that i could possibly see my dogs that i miss so much.
Moving on,
So
i have been throwing myself out there lately, going out as much as i
hate it, talking with strangers and trying to be social, honestly past
the point i am comfortable with. I'm not sure what i expect, but most
nights i still go home disappointed. I have actually had some of the worst nights of my life just recently. i have chosen not to write about them to spare the poor kids i was withs egos. (yes Dylan and Evan, you awful little shits, I'm
talking about you). I'm not sure why. Its just not worth talking about,
just some more simple mistakes i have made that i have since corrected.
I do not think i have lost control, the sex and drugs of being single,
despite my huge bottle of G, have not got the best of me... yet. In fact
my nightly G use has been me more happy then i been in awhile.
Although, I still wake up hating life. I guess i can't have everything i
want huh?
Oh a positive note, i have just signed my ass up for
some health insurance. I look forward to countless hours of brainwashing
and life changing sessions with a therapist. I predict a grocery list of prescriptions after my first visit. Hopefully I'll get some good shit that will feel alot
better if i abuse them or inject them. Just kidding... maybe. I just
want something that shuts my brain off. I'm tired of over thinking every
little thing. I want the crazy persons dream of just being able to feel
normal around people.
Posted by
Erik Rhodes
at
5:01 PM
Posted on 30 January 2013
WILTON MANORS—On Monday morning, January 28, the residents of the Wilton Tower on Northeast 20th
Street witnessed the arrival of emergency vehicles, police cruisers, a
Broward Sheriff’s Office (BSO) Crime Scene van, and eventually the
county Medical Examiner’s truck, each of which had responded to reports
of the tragic death of a popular local bodybuilder, fitness trainer, and
one-time Colt model, Christian Bouthillette, who lived at the high rise
with his partner, Frank Angiulli.
Although the official ruling from the county Medical Examiner’s
office upon the manner of Bouthillette’s death—including a toxicology
report—could take up to two weeks to be released, official sources close
to the case who declined to be identified told the Agenda that the 52 year old Montreal-native was discovered “unattended” in his bath tub.
The management of the luxury apartment building—which is located
behind Dairy Queen and Tropics restaurant, near the south end of Wilton
Drive—expressed sadness for Bouthillette’s death, and Community Manager
Heather Sparks posted a note of condolence and sympathy near the
building’s elevators, explaining the cause of his passing as a massive
heart attack.
The source close to the case told the Agenda that
Bouthillette’s exact cause of death won’t be known until the toxicology
is completed, but that source referred to an online report that
Bouthillette had been arrested last weekend in Miami-Dade County for
cocaine-related offenses. The same source also stated that a note had
been found on the scene by investigators.
Bouthillette, whom neighbors say was warm and friendly, was an
award-winning bodybuilder, a nationally-recognized trainer, and a
popular Colt model whose images are available online.
He welcomed visitors to his fitness Website (bodyimagefitness.us)
with a friendly open manner that his friends say was second nature to
him. “Hi. My name is Christian,” he wrote on the site.
Bouthillette, a Montreal native, graduated from high school in 1977.
According to his self-written Web bio, “I started bodybuilding at the
age of 21 in Spain. I studied science of education in Montreal, and was a
track and field athlete. After being diagnosed with periostitis (the
inflammation of the periosteum, a layer of connecting tissues that
surround the bone) my tibia was affected and I could no longer jump or
run. So I turned to bodybuilding to keep fit and healthy.”
After winning numerous bodybuilding competitions—including the 1995 Canada Cup, 1st Place in mixed pairs, the 1998 National Physique Committee (NPC) New York Grand Prix 1st Place in super heavy weight, and the 2004 NPC East Coast, 1st Place in super heavy weight—Bouthillette “started [his] dream job” in 1998 as a personal trainer.
Ken Hunt, the owner of New York City-based Steel Gym, knew
Bouthillette for more than 10 years, and had employed him in both New
York and Miami. “Christian was a very dear friend of mine,” he told the Agenda. “He was a sweet person whose biggest muscle was his heart.”
Hunt told the Agenda that plans were being made to hold a memorial event in Bouthillette’s memory.
He says he had spoken with Bouthillette’s partner, and been told that his friend had died from a massive heart attack.
Hunt described Bouthillette as a “friendly” and “serious” person, who
was sometimes “guarded” around others, especially those who only saw
him at face value.
“I remember being at Fort Lauderdale Beach with him last year,” Hunt
recalled. “He was very friendly, but I remember him saying that it was
funny how most people only saw him as this big muscular guy, how they
felt they ‘knew’ him from his fame as a Colt model. But that wasn’t the
deeper part of Christian. It’s really a terrible loss.”
While officials wait the official ruling from the medical examiner,
his loved ones try to make sense of their loss, and take comfort from
the memories they retain of their friend. On his training Website,
Bouthillette himself wrote that he gained tremendous satisfaction from
“Helping people get what they want and reach their goals like I did;
using the experience and knowledge I’ve acquired during my career in
bodybuilding.”
I don't know where this is going, i just felt like bitching, I'm done for now."
Posted by
Erik Rhodes
at
5:47 PM
