i was almost an abortion

Thursday, December 27, 2012

back home, again

NYC, home at last.
and just when i thought i was about to lose my head, laying on the couch in the living  room of my parents new apartment with a 103 fever, 
on a couch that is as uncomfortable  as could be...my broken rib ached even more as i twisted from side to side, in clouds of puffy feathers, the smell of my mothers perfume on high  blast, my father, up at 5, in bed by 7, up and sown, my mom in the second bedroom playing poker on the computer, and, to make it worse, outside, the snow started,
and hasn't stopped.
in my head swirls thoughts of how to make the next year better,
what to do to make work more fulfilling and rewarding,
how to jump-start my new "career/aka life"
and the snow kept falling, isolating me and them,
making the small apartment seem smaller.
the couch lumpier,
the pillows more stiff,
the refrigerator just as empty.

but it's done, and now, i know, as i have known for a while now, this is the future, now. whatever happened, happened, whoever got in the way, this years gonna get [pushed. the future is here the future is now.
and all that's left to deliberate and think about is...
why didn't i think of this earlier...