i was almost an abortion

Saturday, November 17, 2012

whatever happens,

click here:

                     make it happen.



whatever happens,
no matter what...
it all works out in the end.

so try as you might,
curse all you can,
scream and hollar and raise the roof if you wanna,
it don't matter at all,
it won't mean a thing,
it just wasn't meant to be,
and so the only thing to do
is just say,
"fuck it..."
and move on.
only the wisest men can let go and relax and move foreawrd to a higher place where understanding one's limitations is the better than any college text or course...
for if it's meant to be,
it will be.
if not, then it's not even worth worrying about,
because in the end,
if you got everything you wanted,
you wouldn't appreciate and understand the importance of something wonderful
when you have it right in front of you.
just let it go...just get over it, just say "fuck that!"
and move on
move forward,
move beyond.



Marilyn Monroe

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

Marilyn Monroe

everything happens

everything happens for a reason.
seconds tick, hours pass, seasons change, time goes by and everything, good or bad, falls into place to fit perfectly into the grand scheme in which it is all supposed to be. there’s nothing really bad that happens that isn’t specially hand delivered to you that you can’t handle, nothing you can’t get over, or anything you won’t get something from. it’s all in how you see it, and all in how you ingest, and then, use it. 
in your past,
you saw things that shocked you,
watched things happen that scared and amazed you, experienced things that were useful to develop your mind to view it in your very individual way of seeing things.
i thought i had seen it all,
but then,
my eyes started to open, and i started to see
all the things i thought were unimportant, 
were the very things i have always found so sweet
the exact things i had been missing,
and the one thing i couldn’t quite find in my life.
but when i winced away the blindness 
and saw them grow,
watched them change,
saw them be,
and enjoyed them in a different light,
i realized that i had been given a gift.
something rare,
something wonderful.

it had been 3 decades of insanity for me to understand that  what was the most important, after all, 
is something that needs to be  looked up to,
deserves to be cherished,
and  is worth the time to  get to experience.
i had forgotten just how sweet it is to  open my eyes in the morning with a sense of calmness, 
a simplicity of mindset,
and a smile on my face.
when i look back on my last 3 years,
all i really recall are the happy times,
the laughing,
the closeness,
the  simplicity,
and the love.
as i recall it,
every morning around 8, before my eyes had even opened, my fantastic dream would be interupted abruptly by a “crunch crunch, crunching” sound
then my father would giggle, as my mother in the living room, would turn a page of her newspaper
and say something funny, and by the time my eyes were wide, i’d have felt everything everyone seeks in their lives. the unselfish, un-requented love that has made man through history march in battle to save to guarentee it’s existance for humanity and the hope for a better future.
this is, in the end, what it’s all about. if you have this, you will never again question why not, wonder what for, or ask how come, because it all makes sense.
after having the unexpected opportunity of spending time so close with the two people i’ve known since before i even knew, i learned that things are actually, good. people are actually, nice. life is  actually, important, and must be seen with eyes that respect, honor and praise it, for it’s all you truly ever need to fill your core with everything it craves, needs, lacks, and deserves.
these two people helped me understand that in life, nothing is easy, but everything is there, for free, 
if you want it. if you open your eyes, wide, and see the beauty in everything you take for granted, understand that the smallest details mean the very most, and take the time to give back, unselfishly and without the favor having to be returned, you get back a gift that is something that moves mountains and parts seas, raises spirits and makes the world a much better place. i have seen the extremes, have lived on both sides, and just when i thought i knew it all, i was taught the true beauty of life, given the keys to explore what i thought i already knew, and appreciate the things i always assumed would never not be there. but this time, i was given front row seats, and although at first glance i was upset, second glance intrigued, and third glance hooked, for the true meaning of life was always here, well, there, at 4 alton road, where it always all made sense, never quite was appreciated, and will forever more be the place i call home. and the time i spent in that house with these two “friends” changed me, shifted everything i knew, created someone better and opened up something desired. 
i will never ever forget those days back at 4 alton road as the most peaceful, wonderful, fulfilling days of my life. i am sad that it took me so long to see, but am so glad that i was given the chance to see them anyway. 
today, i am blessed to have been granted such an incredible gift as the two i call my parents. my father, who today we celebrate, is an inspiration for me. he always is smiling, he never is upset, rarely complains, and  he is simply perfection of what i envision a “real” man to be.    i proudly can call him, the man who showed me what a good man is and how a great person can be. he has no idea that what i see in his eyes and feel in his hands and from his heart, are the very things that i have never seen in anyone else. he is the man who made me feel good about being a man, showed me the meaning of dignity, the need for kindness, the effect of gentleness, and the outcome of what they all can do to make everything around you be exactly what you really, truly, need.
they aren’t millionaires,
they aren’t movie stars,
they aren’t anything to everyone, but they are everything to me.
as i look around, i see love, i see happiness, i see pride, joy, and i see a mother and a father that i am so proud to call mine,  and so thankful to be celebrating with, that the only thing i could wish for, was a million more years by their side. 
my world was made and uplifted, nurtured and raised by the two greatest people i know,
and so, i would like to raise my glass as i bow my head, and say humbly and with respect, thank you, you have no idea, and wow...i am a lucky, lucky man.
without you, i’m nothing.
with you, i have become more than i ever imagined.
i love you.