i was almost an abortion

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


The Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me Halfway

i cant go any further than this...i want it so bad, it's my  
  only  wish. 

it's only in the really simple things we experience by chance that we get to see clearly just what all of this means. you can't really try in life, things just have to happen...that's one thing i learned years ago, but sometimes i have to keep reminding myself that.

woke up at 6:54, the house was quiet, everyone asleep, and my perfect time of day...all alone, no one to hear/see/talk to me, just me. i worked for a bit, had waffles and coffee, and then went upstairs to where Buddy comfortably sleeps, on his own couch in the middle of the living room, under gilded fifteen foot ceilings, in front of a 1890's fireplace that has a beautifully handcrafted steel door in the shape of a grand arch.   it makes me happy to see him sleep, happier to be there when he wakes...
it's getting kinda heavy, the feelings i have just don't stop.
i want it, i need it, i know it, i do, but how do i do the things i know i need to do when i can't stop myself from falling into the same old routine which is just my way of saying i have a bad bad bad case of a.d.d. and can't keep my mind on one thing for more that 2.6 minutes?it's my never ending story, it happens all the time, it's how i've lived my life, but i'm tired now...i need a change of pace. i need to get my shit together and do something...keith told me something the other night that really kinda freaked me out. apparently...people(who have met me and know me well)all think i'm certifiably crazy, they think i'm kinda, well, i'll just say it...unpredictable, outrageous, and will be a mess for the rest of my zillion years alive...really??? that's how people see me? i, well, i'm shocked. seriously. how the fuck do u make people change their minds about u if that's the true feeling in their gut?
you don't...i guess...

maybe it's the crazy shit that just pops outta my mouth.
the shit i don't even see coming that just flows like a babbling brook outta my lips, creating people to think thrice about...like, is he for real???
Buddy has been trained off-leash since he was a baby...it's just easier for me, cause he pulls, and half the time i'm on the phone or talking to someone or carrying my camera bag or something that interferes with my being able to control him...but off leash, he's heaven. walks right by my side, never would go more than 10 steps without looking back, and he is just happy sniffing the flowers and other places other dogs have pissed...the people in my new "hood" aka, ghetto community, are, well, i hate to say it, but it's now just a proven fact that i can go and swear to in court....black people are afraid of big dogs...and they freak when they see him walk down the street off leash with his tale wagging, smiling and walking toward them to say hi...and they scream, run and cross the street so...just to calm them down it somehow just falls outta my mouth that Buddy is in fact, a trained dog that works with children in cancer wards at hospitals...
and they believe me.

FROM THE UPCOMING, HOPEFULLY VERY SOON, AT LEAST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS!!!??? BOOK...http://www.amazon.com/J-O-Joe-Oppedisano/dp/3867874298

"J/O," of course, is short for "jacking off." Nevertheless, when photographer Joe Oppedisano gives his new photo book this title, you shouldn't make the mistake of thinking that the pictures are just jack-o material. Oppedisano's photos of young hunks and beefy men are too cleverly staged for that. Still, it's pretty obvious that these men sweat sex from every pore - and so it's only fair if you use this book as an inspiration for certain moments. Just tell the artist you have our approval.-AMAZON.COM




Things That Make You Go Hmmmm

C&C Music Factory - Things That Make You Go Hmmmm (Classic House Mix)

if everything happens for a reason,
and every step we take leads us toward our destiny,
and if the reason we have lows is so we an truly enjoy the highs,
if every path decides our fate,
our outcome,
our understanding, reasoning and sensibility for the rest of our lives,
that confirms the basic fact that
every corner we turn
every door we walk through,
every blink of an eye,
could that then mean that
if anything changed even in the slightest 
everything we have, know, understand to be true, and hold closest to our hearts
would all vanish in an instant,
or, even worse,
never ever have been in the first place...

which, kinda makes u wonder...