i was almost an abortion

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

a test



i just cant take it any more.
it's got to stop,
it can't go on.
everything up till now
has been a test.
an emergency broadcasting systems
technical way of
finding out if something hideous happens
how i will react.

i think i failed the test.






my nightly rituals

it's very, very strange...
it's like,
3am.
i just woke up to piss,
but couldn't go back to sleep.
i have to be up in 3 hours
to catch a bus down to the city for work.
meanwhile i still have been unable to
get a good nights sleep,
because i am to far gone.
my mind wanders aimlessly,
helplessly,
in a quest for something...
but not knowing what it is, exactly,
that i'm looking for.
i scour websites,
google any word that pops into my head,
study old art books,
watch reality shows and,
basically, spend my day doing nothing i need to do,
so, at night, i'm just wide awake
putting all the ideas in some kind of order.
in my quests, i have found
some interesting sights,
and made many friends,
and discovered some, "quirky" fetishes...
just when ya think ya seen it all,
some queen throws out some fetish that
for all intensive purposes,
seems, well, just out there...
but, then, once i hang out and chat,
investigate, and then,
like any good littlle fag who grew up on charlies angels would do,
i delve into their world,
creating a fantasy profile that
gives a little more than what they even expected.
it pushes them further,
twists and mangles the original idea,
but this time, done with style.
it brings me down to reality,
and out of my wildest dreams...