i was almost an abortion

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

to you know who you are,


to you know who you are,

it's amazing to me that you are going here with me...
now, it's not as if you and i are "friends", because quite obviously we are not.
your actions have proven that you think not so highly of me, and there's even a aprt of you that thinks that you are maybe even smarter than me...but, let me fill you in on a few things...
i have done things in my career that in your wildest dreams you will never even imagine.
i have met, seen, been to, hung out with, slept with, been on, and traveled with people places and things that are foreign to you. i have worked with, produced, directed, and even acted in shows that may not have been on broadway, but, then again, neither have yours. 
i have never been a cunt, evil, or unkind to you, unless of course, provoked.
you forget that i have basically been there for you when you needed, helped, and even done things for you that were never asked for, but done out of the kindness of my heart, which, i have to tell you, quite honestly, has grown a tad bit chilled, since you seem to show zero thanks or even the tiniest bit of appreciation for anything...yet, you feel it your right, even maybe your duty, to try to belittle me when i did nothing at all to deserve it. but, then again, it's not out of character for you to jump to conclusions and be nasty, feel free to voice your opinion on things you know nothing about, and then also blame me for doing things you should not do, and then, to top it all off, beg my friend to do the exact same thing with, and think for a second it wouldn't get back to me.
your actions speak louder than words,
but your words are what i want shut up, and now.
actually yesterday.
if for one second you think that i will bow down and take your shit,
be surprised when i squat over your mouth and shit down your throat.
i am not playing any longer,
and this i am making very clear...
the rules of this game have changed.
the new ones are this...
you respect me,
you shut the fuck up 
and you say thank you once in a while,
and appreciate when i am so kind and generous to you.
because the loser of this game,
which, i promise you will be you,
will not go directly to jail,
but instead
get a prize that will be for eternity.
and this is all said
as fact.

i am not playing anymore...
do i make myself clear?


as he expected, 
because he knew himself all too well,
he would not get one moment of rest
until everything around him settled down,
and he could somehow get out of the hole he was in that somehow seemed to be getting deeper by the second.
he was at an intersection in his life,
a cross road that could go either way...
it was really just a matter of being able to find the right direction he wanted so desperately to take. the path he was on was leading to a dead end, or rather, had hit a dead end years ago, and he knew he had to get onto a one with higher ground.
but no matter what, 
everywhere he turned he found himself lost.
to everyone he spoke,
he heard nothing but crickets.
nowhere to run,
nowhere to hide.
it was all facing him head on 
and charging at full speed.
when would the attack stop?
what would be the final straw?
who could save him from everything and everyone
because at this point, 
he couldn't do it alone.
it was a matter of fact,
and a matter of desperation at this point,
and as he watched the world around him spin out of control,
he grasped for anything stable to hold him down...
but there was nothing strong enough
no one stable enough,
no place secure and no more time left to even slow down to catch a breath.
it was quite possibly the end.
it was most definitely going to be the end of something...

and when it was over, he knew for sure
there would be no turning back.