i was almost an abortion

Monday, June 4, 2012


it started as a simple thing,
recolor and revise
revamp and then, reprise
 reinvent and realize
an image that i once dispised.
but Photoshop was then invented
it let me revamp become what i had intended,
a photo, a nude i let him take,
told him where to stand and what to do,
aperature, exposure, and so i knew
the shot would be a golden one,
one i'd someday look back upon
and say
"that's me, many, many years ago,
when i was just a little ho"
and when i'd look back, then i'd see,
the Photoshop helped to make me be
just how i'd like you to see me.
perfect, simple, classic, clean.
not a line upon my face,
no crows feet markings anyplace,
no fat, no gut, 
nothing but
a dirty picture,
that i wouldn't mind
going viral online.

With A Little Help From My Friends

sometimes you get jaded, just because  it's natural when you're a city boy. been there, done that, seen it all done them all, it just becomes almost natural to roll your eyes at something that's just ordinary, or just boring...then one day, someone does something completely out of the blue, from left field....and it comes so unexpectidly that it literally throws you so far from the loop, that you have to actually stop, rethink and recalculate what you've just seen, and catch your breath...try to stop time and hopefully move backwards so you can turn back time...and forget what you'd just seen, hoping the movement back in time and space makes this person who's just blown you away, actually have brain cells enough to rethink what they were just about to do or say.
but it's not humanly possible, so you are left speechless and shaking, heart pounding, sweat dripping...but what if, it gets worse, and you're somewhere trapped alone with this person, and as hard as you look, theres just no where to hide, no where to run, nothing to do, but have to deal with it, directly...

someone, a trick, during a somewhat normal sexual encounter, in a field of craziness i thought i had a grasp on, today, this afternoon, around 2pm, actually made me see that i am not as jaded as i had thought...i was actually about to learn a lesson in something i truly believed i could write a dictionary on. sexual deviants are common, i think, because in everyone's closet, is always a rotting skeleton. some of them are gentle whispering ghosts, while others haven't come to grips with what and why they are so twisted...sexual deviants, i imagine, have a hard time controling the life around them when they get turned on by something bizarre. when an extreme fetish is tantalized, it becomes overly aroused and cannot explain or take hold of themselves, for the very idea that one of their strange to the outside world fantasies may come true, they almost burst on the scene, without any power over their actions.
sexual deviants...oh, lord, deviants of any kind, but sexual, is just a trip. honestly, i have my own brand of fetish, but it's not so bizarre...to me anyway. but today, in the middle of a mutual sucking session, the guy had a great cock, nice balls, he was a little chubby, but it was more of a beer belly than anything else. anyway, he asked to rim me. of course i said, as i was always happy to have someone eat my ass....but then he asked me to sit on the edge of his weight bench, i thought it was interesting, and a new way to get a tongue up my ass, so i obliged. i stroked my dick and closed my eyes, this guy was actually kinda fun. i liked him, had been laughing and comfortable, and was enjoying playing with Mike, or Steve, or Bob....whatever his name was. he was fun.
then he went down under the weight bench seat, i believed to shove his tongue up me, but instead, i heard something behind and slide under me. and then, without notice, i felt some cold piece of metal slide on my asscheeks, and land directly inside my asshole. i jumped and screamed, kinda like a ittle girl, but whatever, i jumped. he grabbed my hips and shoved me back down and asked me in a low, whispering, sexual voice, if i could take a dump. ok, um, no, what? i laughed and tried to move this metal from inside my hole, and as i got up and turned around, i saw that under me, and in my ass, was a record player that when i gasped to catch my breath for a minute, he started, and put the needle on the record, and in the 10 seconds or so it took me to get a hold of myself, started playing Sargent Peppers Lonley Hearts Club Band, I Get High With  A Little Help From My Friends. i mean, i always hated the Beatles, but even if i had to shit diareah from hell or Indian food, would i deficate on them. it took me till the corus ended to put my hair back into a bun, and i heard myself, trying to gain composure, ask him what the turntable fetish was about, and why shit on it? and why this song? my mind raced with ideas of just how a fetish like this starts...a lonely child raised in the 60's-70's, got a turntable for his 6th birthday, but something happened, and at the moment it happened, this song, the number one song of the week came on the radio, and to this day, when he hears it, it brings back horrific memories of a single hideous moment in time....something like that.
where do we get our desires that take over and delve us into a world so black, a place so low, a fetish so strange.
sexual deviants...
an interesting bunch.
a subculture of sexual deviants that lives right next door or in the same house a syou, yet you never know. until one day...

Usher - More (DJ Louis Louis 2011 Club Remix)