i was almost an abortion

Sunday, October 28, 2012

No More Drama

Mary J. Blige - No More Drama (Thunderpuss Club Anthem)

no more pain...
no more pain,
no more pain.
no more drama in my life,
no one's gonna make me hurt again.

no more tears,
i'm tired of crying' every night...
no more fears
i really don';t wanna buy into em...
no more drama.

i don't know
only God knows where the story ends
for me.
but i know where the story begins
it's up to us to choose
whether we win or lose,
and i choose to win.

First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Leona Lewis (REMIX) - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Time Stretch...

 the first time ever i saw his face
i remember it exactly
like it was yesterday...
he walked into my apartment on 95 christopher st.,
bubbly, excited, nervous and
glowing the glow that only a 25 year old can give off...
almost an innocence, which, in hindsight i would know was off.
but there it was,
my first impression,
my first thought, my first smile, our first words.
almost makes me wish that that day would have been different.
maybe we would have cancelled,
maybe he would have been sick,
maybe it would have never happened...
but it did.

first time you ever see the one who ends up being the love of your life (you think so anyway for a good while) but then turns into one of the most wretched things that ever crossed your path, you have hope. you have ideas that maybe, just maybe, this one will be different...maybe even, the ONE.
that day is such a great day, such an amazing day,
 such a magical day...
why did it have to turn into tomorrow???

this week, after almost losing it all, i have been contemplating my life, my journey, my goals, my mission, my legacy, my destiny, and
i needed to resolve some things that i did wrong, some people i wronged, some wrong moves i made.
chris raucci, i don't know exactly what i did to him,
\for i was truly the one who got the short end of the stick, but, somehow, he feels wronged, and so, mr r., i just want to extend my hand, reach out and say, sorry...whatever happened, happened, but we also had some amazing times, and so, i don't want to remember the bad times ever again, instead, i want to move up, on and forward, and if i see you again, you don't even have to talk to me...just give me a knowing smile, not a huge toothy grin, just a smile, so i know that, someday, maybe, we will both be mature enough to possibly, even be friends...

here is the first frame i ever photographed of chris,
the day we met..
it's funnt, looking at it for the first time in years, but it's a very telling photo. i can see so much in his eyes from that first meeting, you can see his love for life, his excitement for being there, and the joy he felt in his heart, because, i do believe, he thought the same thing i was thinking...
this may be the ONE.


the first time.

Someone Only I Know

Somewhere Only We Know (Dubstep) - AEmusics Cover/Remix

people cum n go...
and in today's society, 
they cum n go faster than they used to...
there seems to be a distance caused by none other than the thing that also brings us closer to people we had lost years ago, as well as connects us with people we would have ordinarily never met...the internet. love it or hate it, you can't live without it, for it's how we work, communicate and date, how we stay in touch, research and masturbate, it's the thing that makes us all unified, yet seperates us because in a way, no matter how close we are, we still have a screen to safeguard us from the thing on the other side of the screen that, just may be the thing we've always dreamed of.
i have friends who i have never met in real-time, whop i share my daily life with, my deepest fantasies and fear with, and people who care enough to send me "hey, hope ur feeling better" wishes when i'm down or sick. maybe one day our paths will cross, but even if they don't i know that somewhere out there, they're there. 
 oh simple thing,
where have you gone?
im getting old and need something to rely on
so tell me when your gonna let me in,
i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin...
is this the place we used to love?
is this the place i've been dreaming of?
this could be the end of everything...
let's go, somewhere only we know...
but we know only the screen we see, the screen that we can always shut off, no matter how abruptly, without shattering our feelings, wrecking our dreams, destroying our emotions....
this could be the end of everything...

people i have known...
personally, in real time, and thay have made an impact, forever, on my life, my work, my legacy.