here i go again,
only, hopefully, differently this time.
as i finish one huge project,
my mind, body and soul do the same things as they have done for as long as i can remember.
they crash.
it leaves me emotionally and physically sick,
exhausted, and depressed.
i've had such concentration and focus, time and energy
giving the project 99.9% of my time,
that when i've delivered it and put it to rest,
i feel like i have hugely succeeded
and miserably failed, all at once.
my body wants to be nowhere near a computer,
nor does it want to do anything but sleep.
my mind thinks i'll never get hired again,
my soul is thinking that maybe this has been the best thing i've done,
and it will surely be the big break i need to vault into super stardom.
my life gets put on hold for just another few days,
while i sleep, eat and become a zombie.
i go from the bed to the couch,
walk Buddy,
and don't go near a phone or the car.
i am helpless.
but luckily now,
i know it will be coming.
i anticipate it in a way,
because it signifies the death of something loved,
and the opening up in my life,
for something new to challenge and excite me.
it's a twisted roller coaster of feelings,
but i love it, only because it means,
the thing i just finished was well worth my time,
i did my best,
and i am satisfied,
even if it just lasts a moment.
maybe i dont want it to be different,
ever.
