Leona Lewis (REMIX) - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Time Stretch...
the first time ever i saw his face
i remember it exactly
like it was yesterday...
he walked into my apartment on 95 christopher st.,
bubbly, excited, nervous and
glowing the glow that only a 25 year old can give off...
almost an innocence, which, in hindsight i would know was off.
but there it was,
my first impression,
my first thought, my first smile, our first words.
almost makes me wish that that day would have been different.
maybe we would have cancelled,
maybe he would have been sick,
maybe it would have never happened...
but it did.
first time you ever see the one who ends up being the love of your life (you think so anyway for a good while) but then turns into one of the most wretched things that ever crossed your path, you have hope. you have ideas that maybe, just maybe, this one will be different...maybe even, the ONE.
that day is such a great day, such an amazing day,
such a magical day...
why did it have to turn into tomorrow???
this week, after almost losing it all, i have been contemplating my life, my journey, my goals, my mission, my legacy, my destiny, and
i needed to resolve some things that i did wrong, some people i wronged, some wrong moves i made.
chris raucci, i don't know exactly what i did to him,
\for i was truly the one who got the short end of the stick, but, somehow, he feels wronged, and so, mr r., i just want to extend my hand, reach out and say, sorry...whatever happened, happened, but we also had some amazing times, and so, i don't want to remember the bad times ever again, instead, i want to move up, on and forward, and if i see you again, you don't even have to talk to me...just give me a knowing smile, not a huge toothy grin, just a smile, so i know that, someday, maybe, we will both be mature enough to possibly, even be friends...
here is the first frame i ever photographed of chris,
the day we met..
it's funnt, looking at it for the first time in years, but it's a very telling photo. i can see so much in his eyes from that first meeting, you can see his love for life, his excitement for being there, and the joy he felt in his heart, because, i do believe, he thought the same thing i was thinking...
Somewhere Only We Know (Dubstep) - AEmusics Cover/Remix
people cum n go...
and in today's society,
they cum n go faster than they used to...
there seems to be a distance caused by none other than the thing that also brings us closer to people we had lost years ago, as well as connects us with people we would have ordinarily never met...the internet. love it or hate it, you can't live without it, for it's how we work, communicate and date, how we stay in touch, research and masturbate, it's the thing that makes us all unified, yet seperates us because in a way, no matter how close we are, we still have a screen to safeguard us from the thing on the other side of the screen that, just may be the thing we've always dreamed of.
i have friends who i have never met in real-time, whop i share my daily life with, my deepest fantasies and fear with, and people who care enough to send me "hey, hope ur feeling better" wishes when i'm down or sick. maybe one day our paths will cross, but even if they don't i know that somewhere out there, they're there.
oh simple thing,
where have you gone?
im getting old and need something to rely on
so tell me when your gonna let me in,
i'm getting tired and i need somewhere to begin...
is this the place we used to love?
is this the place i've been dreaming of?
this could be the end of everything...
let's go, somewhere only we know...
but we know only the screen we see, the screen that we can always shut off, no matter how abruptly, without shattering our feelings, wrecking our dreams, destroying our emotions....
this could be the end of everything...
people i have known...
personally, in real time, and thay have made an impact, forever, on my life, my work, my legacy.
Grease - Sandra Dee Reprise (Goodbye to Sandra Dee)
every second of every minute of every day, something happens, unexpectedly, that makes a powerful impact on the rest of your entire life...IF, and only if, you are smart enough to listen...i don't even know how old i was, but it was not more than 11, and GREASE was the number one movie for about 17 weeks, which, is amazing...i was dying to see it, but my parents thought it was too risque, as it held a PG rating. i begged, pleaded, but to no avail. i was a fat italian boy with kinky hair and acne, and wanted to be something else, someone else so bad, and movies were my escape. my mother told me that if i lost 10 pounds, she would let me see the film, so, i put myself on a diet, and every morning i did push ups, sit ups and ran in place, in my bedroom, listening to Macho Man by the Village People, and in about 2 months time, i had lost actually 12 pounds, and so, had achieved my goal. i also had done something internally that had made me a stronger person, for i had recreated my destiny and brought it into the realm of what i dreamed would be a better place for me. i showed and proved to myself that this was indeed, possible. the next day i went with my father to the movies to see Grease. i of course, LOVED it, GAGGED over it and then, almost at the end of the film, saw Olivia Newton John sing the reprise of "Sandra Dee", the pivotal moment in the film where Sandy decides to change herself, step up to the plate and make herself someone she always wanted to be...which of course she does, flawlessly, in spandex. she, this song, this scene, made me believe, enforced what i had already begun to know, and still makes me cry. "sandy, you must start a new, don't you know what you must do? hold your head high, take a deep breath and sigh, goodbye to sandra dee..." anyone can do it, everyone should try it, trust me. be the person you always wanted to be... you owe it to yourself.
instead of seeing tube topped Maritza's on da stoop drinkin Pink Champale wit her peeps,
i see Maritza all bundled up,
maybe as extreme as a top that doesn't
cover her belly button ring...
all the boyz in da hood r still chillin' outside the bodega,
but the bodega is now serving them harder liquor than the Colt 45's it was in August...
where did it all go?
where are the warm days, tropical breezes, hot nights?
another summer scratched off the calendar.
the morning skies clear as the not so scorching anymore sun appears.
there's a chill in the air, a crispness.
the leaves on the maple trees in the housing project
across the street
have gone from deep green to magenta,
the same color as Maritza's bleached n color treated extenssions.
the summer is gone.
summer lovin'
had me a blast,
but that was summer of 2012, and, well,
it's passed.
move on forward gracefully,
autumn 2012 has exploded.
fashion week cum n gone,
all the hype glamor craziness and hell raised by the drop of a leaf
is under way...
the bears have come out to play,
and so,
from hibernate to congegate
after they all masturbate, they contimplate...
the world as it slowly navigates
spins and rotates,
what will be their destiny,
their fate?
Uberbear Robert Valinshas an idea, many ideas, maybe too many sometimes...but his new bear website is up to try n help the contemporary urban/international man who isn't ashamed, but rather proud of his belly...
it never fails...
something inside tells me to hear/see/sm,ell/taste/experience something, and usually it happens in minutes or days.
like, just now.
12:51am, tuesday?..monday?
anyway, i pull up an old playlist from i-tunes, my eyes half crossed from overdoing it on photoshop, and chain smoking and eating as much ice cream as humanly possible, and like, this song, one of my all time fav classic house songs follow me by sidney youngblood comes on, and like, i need to hear it now, and need to pass it on, so, i youtube it, and, the first one that pops up is my sista coltina fordina's remake, and so, i knew it was meant to be.
i cant go any further than this...i want it so bad, it's my
only wish.
it's only in the really simple things we experience by chance that we get to see clearly just what all of this means. you can't really try in life, things just have to happen...that's one thing i learned years ago, but sometimes i have to keep reminding myself that.
woke up at 6:54, the house was quiet, everyone asleep, and my perfect time of day...all alone, no one to hear/see/talk to me, just me. i worked for a bit, had waffles and coffee, and then went upstairs to where Buddy comfortably sleeps, on his own couch in the middle of the living room, under gilded fifteen foot ceilings, in front of a 1890's fireplace that has a beautifully handcrafted steel door in the shape of a grand arch. it makes me happy to see him sleep, happier to be there when he wakes...
it's getting kinda heavy, the feelings i have just don't stop.
i want it, i need it, i know it, i do, but how do i do the things i know i need to do when i can't stop myself from falling into the same old routine which is just my way of saying i have a bad bad bad case of a.d.d. and can't keep my mind on one thing for more that 2.6 minutes?it's my never ending story, it happens all the time, it's how i've lived my life, but i'm tired now...i need a change of pace. i need to get my shit together and do something...keith told me something the other night that really kinda freaked me out. apparently...people(who have met me and know me well)all think i'm certifiably crazy, they think i'm kinda, well, i'll just say it...unpredictable, outrageous, and will be a mess for the rest of my zillion years alive...really??? that's how people see me? i, well, i'm shocked. seriously. how the fuck do u make people change their minds about u if that's the true feeling in their gut?
you don't...i guess...
maybe it's the crazy shit that just pops outta my mouth.
the shit i don't even see coming that just flows like a babbling brook outta my lips, creating people to think thrice about...like, is he for real???
Buddy has been trained off-leash since he was a baby...it's just easier for me, cause he pulls, and half the time i'm on the phone or talking to someone or carrying my camera bag or something that interferes with my being able to control him...but off leash, he's heaven. walks right by my side, never would go more than 10 steps without looking back, and he is just happy sniffing the flowers and other places other dogs have pissed...the people in my new "hood" aka, ghetto community, are, well, i hate to say it, but it's now just a proven fact that i can go and swear to in court....black people are afraid of big dogs...and they freak when they see him walk down the street off leash with his tale wagging, smiling and walking toward them to say hi...and they scream, run and cross the street so...just to calm them down it somehow just falls outta my mouth that Buddy is in fact, a trained dog that works with children in cancer wards at hospitals...
"J/O," of course, is short for "jacking off." Nevertheless, when photographer Joe Oppedisano gives his new photo book this title, you shouldn't make the mistake of thinking that the pictures are just jack-o material. Oppedisano's photos of young hunks and beefy men are too cleverly staged for that. Still, it's pretty obvious that these men sweat sex from every pore - and so it's only fair if you use this book as an inspiration for certain moments. Just tell the artist you have our approval.-AMAZON.COM
