the trouble with me is...

                                       
the opening shot i use on Manhunt...
it never fails.




the trouble with me is,
i never learn...

there are somethings in life that should never be ignored
and yet...
somehow, i do just that.
i don't know if it's just because i'm an idiot,
cause i am...
or if it's because i'm A.D.D.
which i TOTALLY am...
or if it's just i can't possibly do the things i know to be most important.
like say, for example...
the simple fact that i do stupid things
over and over again.

this is now the third time in a year that i
in a rush to get laid,
squeezed on a metal cock ring
that was too small for me, and,
got it stuck.
this one i am dealing with as i type (in agony)
has been on since i hooked up with a big hot hairy daddy
four...count them FOUR days ago.
like the retard i am,
i had to take a cialis also,
which just made my cock swell up even larger than it already is,
and because it's on so tight,
my balls have swelled to at least twice the size they usually are
(and they are already pretty huge)
and they ARE NOT deflating!

FUCK.
i've been in pain for four days,
and i told a friend about this little problem i was having,
and he tells me that he heard i can fuck up my shit forever.
so now, on top of being in stomach cramping pain,
i'm mentally stressing that i'll have to have my cock removed.
something a narcissistic sex fiend like me
fears the most.

i used to make a goddamn living off this cock...
since the age of fourteen,
when one day, at the public swimming pool in my town,
an older guy
(he was probably 40, but i was a baby, so thought he was about 60)
followed me to the urinals, where he promptly pulled out fifty bucks
which he offered to give me if i let him suck me off.
(was he a pedophile or just a man with extremely good taste?)
i mean, i've always looked older than i was...
well, my mama didn't raise no fool...
i saw the fifty bucks and snatched them right outta his hand
and walked over to a stall,
dropped my swimsuit,
and let the old guy slurp out a load.
hello...
anyone who wouldn't have done the same thing is an idiot in my book.
i would see him at the pool at least once a week for the rest of the summer.
i made about five hundred bucks off the guy,
and again, i'll repeat, i was 14.

my hookering career lasted till the bitter age of 40,
when i decided that i just couldn't imagine anyone in their right mind
paying for it anymore...
(not that i'd refuse if offered again).

so now i sit,
alone in my bedroom,
in pain,
with a swollen cock,
and all i can think of is,
how much i want to go get some ass tonight while my cock is still
ridiculously, insanely swollen.
i could probably make good coins off this fucker right now,
JOE!
stop.