i was almost an abortion

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

for only me

every single day that goes by, i am amazed just how quikley it went.
how much i thought i had to do, is scary, because probably only 1/10 of what i originally wanted to do, got the slightest touch, and then i moved onto smething else, just as if not more important. but these days are very trying. the nights are getting colder, the days are not as long, or brght, or happy. it feels like a for of death is creeping silently into the room with every shiver i get down my spine, everytime there is a cool breeze.
i'm exhausted.
i keep trying, i keep fighting, i keep failing.
for the first time in my lfe, things ren't going the way they should, or the way i planned.
every door i see comes slamming toward me, every second i spend trying to make things better for mysef, i find myself digging a little deeper into the ground, where i'm just about at 6 feet under.
i don't know how much more i an take.
if i stay in this town anther season, i guarentee you i'll break.
i've spent $2,000. on hotels the last month alone,
i'm dwindling as fast as my bank account, and my mind isn't there as much as it used to be either.
i'm alone.
every night, i lay in bd and hold my bab, the love of my life, Buddy, who, is the only one who has been b my ide through it all. he's the only one that kisses me anymore, the nly one that looks at me with eyes of wonder, the only one that makes me feel ok, secure, and happy.
and without him, i think i'd probablynot have lasted this long...
i had a real estate agent tel me recently she thought it was time i got rid of him, to mae it easier to get an apartment...
i told her to fuck off.
i guess that apartment just wasn't meant to be.
but Buddy, is definatly what the universe intended when they saw what i would be going through, and so, they sent me a beautiful baby boy, an  he watches over me every nght, no matter how hideous the world is around us, i know for a fact, that there is love in his eyes, for only me....
thats the only thing getting me through these last few months...
so, please god, please let this stop, and please let me find a home for Buddy and me...
we've had enough.
we want to go home.


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