try, try again.

starting over.
simply put,
everything must change!
an inner vision today, inspired me to understand in it's entierty,
the way things really could be if life was different.
meaning,
if i played by the rules and played the game a little differently.
would i be in the place i am now if i indeed played the game the way everyone else does?
but the games rules have changed, gotten tougher,
and so, so i have i.
i've needed a change in my life for years
but never took the initiative,
well, i thought iwas but really wasn't,
to let go of the bad and accept good,
 and change the bad and in return back to a goodness
that i had forgotten.
from now on, i am going to try, harder...
it's never to late to let yourself change things up a bit,
or a lot...
it's never too late.
my life will be more structured in a way i can't imagine yet,
and i will try and function in a normal state
like other people do, normal people,
people who have jobs, and kids, and a life...
interesting concept.
having a full time job, going home to the wife and kids and summering on Cape Cod.
interesting.
that's not my goal personally, but it's a way of life i can't really imagine.
i love my chaotic no-idea-what's-gonna-happen-next way of living,
although, having structure somewhere would be a good thing.
and so, structure is rule number one, goal number one, and the first thing i will try to cultivate in myself,
structure.

then i gotta get my fat ass back to the gym cause i am fat as hell.
it's gross.
then i want to get back to the city,
normal,
clean, sober,
botox and a few pulls,
and i'm back to the old me.
maybe some fillers here n there,
but otherwise, the old me.

and i'm ready too.
it's like when you can see the horizon break when the sun rises out of it.
at first it's hazy and burning so hot it sizzles,
then everything comes clear, comes into focus.
it's the time i have been prolonging for years,
and so,
here it is,
here i am.
destiny takes over and the man lives a normal-ish life.
it sounds like a perfect plan.




2012 will finally be THE year.
lol
although supposedly every year is also supposed to be the year.
it just never blossoms the way we expect.
but with faith, hope in one's self, a willingness to try,
and and a few goals,
i believe i can make it.
lol
i'll try anyway.








styled by the one and only, david dalrymple.