NA-h

i just got back from an NA meeting.
i had forgotten how much i hated meetings until this one,
when someone in the room raised their hand and started blaming others in the room for their relapsing.
really?
isn't that typical of an addict?
take anything you can find, and blame it for everything you have become.
it infuriates me, and makes me wih i never had to goto another meeting again.
but, once in a while, i guess i do.
i'm not perfect, and i'm not special...
but i'm smart, smart enough to know when i'm being foolish.
the last year was a year to point finger and blame the universe formy problems.
but in reality, those problems were caused by, accelerated by and done by, me.
by me and to me.
no one else.
step one in my new life is to understand and not blame others for my unfortunate choices i make to use drugs, make myself depressed and become and stay an addict.
it did nothing for me but make me fall, but fall i did, and fall i just may do again, but...
i won't blame anyone else for that.
that is part of whatr makes me the person i am, and will be.
every second a chiice is given to you,
do i want strawberry or vanilla ice cream?
would i like to go right or left?
do i wanna get high, or not?
it's my choice, my mistakes, my life.

my life, my mistakes,
my choice.

what moore can i say?
it's finally clear...
crystal clear, that if i use, i'll be a mess...
and i won't move forward, but rather, back to who i used to be, was, and still am...
it's my problem, my life, my mistakes, my choice.
and i choose to not be a mess, anymore.