the problem with me

today,
out of the blue,
without notice,
sans trumpets nor drums,
someone,
another trick,
basically laid out for me,
who exactly i was,
and why it was so contradictory
and unbeleivably insane of me
to imagine that
in the world around me,
in everyone else's eyes,
and the fierce, staunch misguided and misread image
i try to give off,
the fact of what i offer the world
is something completely
utterly
and fucking amazingly
not at all what i really am
in my heart,
soul,
flesh, bones,
and blood.

he said,
quite matter of factly
and without missing a beat, that,
i was the biggest bottom
who ever insisted they were actually a top.
he even recalled several times when,
i was the one getting pounded,
ass up,
hungry and screaming for attention to my asshole....
it seems i may have misread myself,
misjudged others intelligence around me
and misguided the bottoms i was fucking to think,
just for a minute that,
i was a top.

but i'd rather watch Beyonce videos,
listen to the new Rhianna,
or recite sayings from Steele Magnolias.

maybe that's the problem....

hmmm.