my bad?

beauty is hard work...

it's funny how, when i'll see someone on facebook or on the streets, or in manhunt...
if i see someone who i think is super hot
and i thnk i'd be able to turn out in photographs,
i'll simply say something nice,
compliment them, and ask, politely,
being clear that i am not trying to have sex with them,
if they would be interested in letting me shoot them.
i do that, sometimes, actually, rarely...because
i am actually kind of shy,
and i know a lot of photographers have a bad reputation
for luring guys to their house for a "shoot"
and then just trying to suck their cocks.
but when i see someone who, maybe i've never seen before
or, like on manhunt, i'll in an email, describe the idea and state clearly
"this is not sex"
and usually, the response is favorable.
sometimes, not.
but the choice is always left for them to decide and do.

i met a kid on Grindr the other night.
he's 25, studying medicine,
and wanted to suck cock...
perfect.
when i showed up at his apartment,
i honest to god,
died, cause this kid looked like, i mean, almost exactly like,
matt dillon.
of curse, he had never heard of him...(25)
so what was i supposed to do?
i could have just gone through with it, blown my wad n left,
but...of course...
thats not me.
instead, i, nervously, started babbling about how i HAD to photograph him.
i rambled on for maybe an hour about it,
while pulling up my website, blog, and such..
and, swear to god,
scared the shit outta this kid.
i told him i was going to train him to get in shape so he looked incredible..
told him that i wouldn't take no for an answer,
and then, finally, he looked at me and quite nicely said
"hey, i gota go"
go? but you live here!
oh, i get it...I gotta go.
alright, i see.
i walked out without busting a nut or
having had any sexual involvment with this kid,
and i walked out, head hanging low,
realizing that my approach was retarded.

so i called him yesterday, and asked him if he had decided.
well, i tried to, but he didn't answer the phone,
and the voicemail was gone.
and i realized, again, that
i am just too much.