I need to learn how to go slow, in every way of life. Sometimes, no, always, I rush to do things quickly and efficiently, and I guess I do get them done...but, what's the rush? why did I hurry to do the thing I was doing? it's not like I had something else that was so important to do next, because I didn't. at work when I'm done rushing through some task I sit around bored with nothing else to do. so why do I do it?

it kinda doesn't even make sense.

so today, I am going to slow down. I came home from work early yesterday because I was sick as a dog. I had chills and then sweats. thank goodness they let me leave early because I really don't think I would have finished the 7 more hours I had left. so I'm going to try and take things slow. I'm not missing anything amazing, I'm not going to lose or gain anything but more time by rushing through whatever I'm doing.

let's see how I do.

well, today I tried to take things slow, how did it go?

pretty well.

I am now in a space where I'm not doing drugs except for pot and gummies.maybe mushrooms but, not so much. drinking I'm over, it's predictable and boring and I hate who I am when I drink. I'm like, pushy and bossy and kinda stupid. I don't know, I don't like the drunk me. one drink and I'm fine, I have a shot glass I use when I drink, and one shot of vodka, because that's all I can stomach, one shot is perfect for me. I do love San Pelligrino waters, like limonata or blood orange, they are great mixers and you don't get the upset gurgling stomach of juices. 

but when your in a space like I am now where I am not really doing things stronger than pot, but what do you do when you like the feeling of being a little high sometimes?   really, nothing that would make me stupid or hurt myself or another, but just like a little buzz, the kind you get when you throw back your first shot. I mean, I miss the drug days I had where I wasn't high, I guess in a strange way it's like missing the part where the drugs are still in your system but at the last breath, and there's that withdrawal and anticipation of excitement. what a terribly strange thing to say.

I guess that's a part of me that I need to tap into.

the fucked up drug addict whore I was is a million miles away, and now I move on and try to live a normal, happy life.

good luck