i was almost an abortion

Saturday, June 30, 2012

here we go...

what a difference a day makes...
well, take that, and multiply it by 7,
and you can possibly understand what i'm up against.
what seemed like a pleasant existence just 7 days ago
has turned inside out,
upside down,
and left me speechless,  motionless, and well, basically,
the good deed i did three years ago, trying to help my family through some hard times,
all came to a screeching halt just the other day.
my mother, when i walked in the house,
announced that, indeed,
they had sold the house...
something we had been trying to do, but, hadn't had much success...
well, success came a knokin,
and then, when she told me we had exactly 30 days, one month, to get out,
i nearly died.
it hit me unlike i had expected it to,
you see,
for all my bitching and moaning,
i grew up in this house.
i went through puberty,
masturbated in,
had my first wet dream in,
made out with girls, and boys in,
made plans for college in,
etc. etc etc,
this house.
and now, in less that a month,
everything i ever knew, will come to a halt.
stop, and i'll never sit in my bedroom again..
i'll never lay in my bed, watch tv in the family room, eat in the kitchen,
and so, it's been freezing my mind,
making anything and everything seem impossible to grasp, reach, get a hold of...
after all this time,
after coming back,
i just always thought, i'd never leave.

and so, now, my life takes on another twist.
because i have the love of my life here with me, Buddy, my dog, who,
i can't imagine life without,
i have no job,
no apartment,
and nothing to reach and grab a hold of...
i'm sad,
i feel alone,
i feel like i have nothing to do with it, because, well,
i don't.
my life from here on will be like starting over,
starting from square one...
growing up, fast.
and without a safety net.

if something were different, if only i had a job...
a job...
a man...
a life.

so i am careful to take every step...
i am cautious to breathe,
it frightens me to think of where i'll be in 30 days...
but, somewhere, pleaseant,
i hope...

 here we go...


KDNA said...

ask. believe. receive.

Joe Oppedisano said...

thank u baby, i'm asking as i type, believing as my head ticks, and hopefully, receiving something good...