i was almost an abortion

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

almost over

Gusgus - Over (Official Video)

july 3rd, 2012.
the month is already 3 days in,
in a few hours, it'll be the celebrated day of independance.
that means only 28 days left...
28 was a great age,
i recall...
it was when my life was simple, without care, or confussion.
i was a fashion editor,
i was just about to start working with ricki martin,
i worked as an editor for l'uomo vogue,
vanity fair...
ah, yea. it was nice.

i remember when i was 28 i wished for nothing more than to be older and wiser.
now, older,
not much wiser,
i see that everything has changed.
nothing is the same.
the friends i saw daily, lived with, and couldn't get enough of,
are all far away.
close in heart, but far in distance.
my family is one by one becoming extinct,
my days as a fashion editor are gone...
but my new career,
well, my latest remake,
is almost over too.
i'm bored.
i need change.
my life isn't what it used to be...
it once made me laugh at how unbelieveably lucky i was.
i can't believe how rediculously stupid i was....
never saved a peny,
never bought anything substantial,
never met the love of my life, yet...
but, i think, truly,
things are about to change.
god cannot punish me forever for my mistakes...
can he?
is it possible that one day i'll wake up and realize that 78 years have gone by,
18 careers,
3,000 lovers,
and still, nothing to call my own?

is it possible? probable?
it's not justifiable...
it's notsuitable,
it's not doable.
change is coming,
faster than i can imagine.
things fall into place, little by little,
but when you step back and realize that many pieces have formed an outline,
then start filling in the missing pieces,
you see that,
maybe it happened when you didn't even realize it was happening...
maybe your life is just starting to take shape,
and revamp itself
into something that
28 days later,
you'll gasp at the way things have fallen into place...
28 years later,
you won't even recognize the person you are today...

and maybe....
just maybe...
that's a very good thing.

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