all of a sudden,
when he was crossing the street to get a necessary pack of cigarettes,
it hit him...
he was having an anxiety attack.
his heart was beating fast and hard,
he was completely out of breath,
and his A.D.D. brain was working in overtime.
he didn't really have anywhere to go, anyone to turn to,
anything to fall back on...
there was no more time for him to procrastinate...
he didn't have any other chances to make things right,
he had burned too many bridges,
alienated too many friends,
removed himself from social situations
so many times,
that now, he realized he was basically all alone...
it had been years now since he was ever really alone.
there was always someone by his side to derail him from himself.
but that was three relationships ago,
and now, even his family had moved on.
he was headed back to begin where he left off three years before,
but hopefully, this time,
he'd do things a little differently.
he wasn't about to make the same mistake again.
he couldn't, because now he had to be responsible for himself,
and that's what truly scared him.
could he actually grow up?
take care of himself?
survive out there, all alone?
it's hard when you have never really had to do it completely all by yourself.
but, he thought,
everyone else seems to do it...
what could be so hard?
a chill went down his spine, and then goosebumps on his arms and legs.
the hairs on his neck stood up,
and he got cold, clammy, and his stomach felt nauseous.
he took a deep breath,
braced himself for whatever unseen things would come his way,
and inside, he cried,
for in a very short amount of time
everything he was feeling right now,
would just be a distant memory,
and only time would tell if and how
he made it.