i was almost an abortion

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Reflections of Thankfulness, Gone Wrong.

The Supremes - Reflections (PNP Remix).

Through the mirror of my mind
time after time...
i see reflections of you and me,
reflections of the love
that was meant to be...



As the year begins it's descent into becoming just another year we will roll our eyes at when we look back upon, 
we must stop and really become aware
of just exactly what a hideous year it was...
how the devastation it caused on us
is really so much bigger, 
and so much more hideous
than other years before.
that will help us separate and distinguish
these last 11 months
into, quite possibly,
the most hideously devastating
we as a culture
will quite possibly ever see again.
I could try to be one of those people who chooses to always look on the bright side of things, sure i could. but i won't.
those people who see life through rose colored glasses, sometimes
need a god kick in the butt to understand that some things actually
aren't things we will "get over" or "rise above".
sometimes, some things, really fuckin' suck.
and yes,
 i am the first one to say that everything happens for a reason,
but the reason actually just may be too fucked up to imagine...
no matter how hard we try, how many times we must
get back up and brush ourselves off and start again,
no matter how the cookie crumbles,
we still get effected by those damn cookie crumbs that
 a) get us fat, b) have gone stale,
 and c) weren't really the kind of cookie we like anyway,
but we ate em just cause they were there.
we can't predict that every outcome of every situation
will be something that will be the one thing that will, in the end,
change us, make us happy and leave us satisfied, rectified and justified.
 they just leave us miserable and with a bad taste in our mouths.

 That is how i will look back on and recall 2012.
i started it with the hopes that it would be the year i broke free,
the year i surpassed all the pain, climbed up and became
the one thing that remains to be missing, and fame
would be there at my fingertips, for it was simply, naturally,
all that remained of a life not at all refrained
but instead, all i gained
was nothing more than deranged.
 i tried to move mountains,
i fought hard, i had hope,
i stopped, looked and listened to every line ever spoke.
i tried things a little differently than i'd done them before,
in hopes that, this time,
they would open yet, another door.
but the doors slammed the lights shut
and what seemed hopeful, just turned my stomach,
for i realized that it simply wouldn't, shouldn't and couldn't be
the way i'd hoped them to be.
my dreams now, all nightmares,
were just how, now i see,
that what was once a bright spark, then a flame, now is simply
 burned out.

So the once upon a time that i'd hoped would be
the opening sentence for my life's history
has pages that are missing,
chapters half written, pages ripped or ripped out.
and the fairytale ending, prince charming and sunset i'd ride into
instead reads like a bad script.
one that wouldn't get picked up for another season,
just one that gets tossed in some corner
 or filed away on some shelf.
perhaps i was wrong, it's not at all a love song,
instead the record skips, and just wasn't a hit.

Maybe next year will be all i hoped this one would be.
should i dare hope or pray?
 and for this one, should i be thankful?
i think not.
but that's alright, i'm ok.
tomorrow is just another day.
and again, i'll be hopeful,
i will try, i'll be brave.
but time, please, just be kind,
because i can't do this again.

The End
(or rather)
To Be Continued...

Reflections of the love that was meant to be.
all now nothing but distant memories...

No comments: