what do I want

what exactly do I want

that's such a great question. I've had ideas through the years, but in those years I had no resources, or actual any way to actually produce something. being crafty as I am I did make a side project out of my textile and photographic background, and had a line of scarves produced for the  Oklahoma Art Museum.

 I'll expand on that with visuals, and move on to the subject at hand.

what do I want.

I see it as more of a period at the end than a question mark, because it embodies so much of me...of the me that I was and miss terribly. I feel a million miles away from who I used to be, because of location, because of means. but now I'm kinda sorta at the place in my life where I am mentally stable enough and financially stable enough, to dust off those heels and return, somewhere, to the me I used to be.

so again...what do I want.

I envision a product that is something the kids these days never really experienced. newspapers, newsprint.

in my F.I.T. collage days, we fashionistas in the making would run to get the latest W Magazine, because it opened up as big as a standard paper, and inside were the most fabulous full color double page ads for Chanel, Gucci, Calvin Klein, and we would tear them out and throw them up as art on the walls. 

that's kinda what I want, it's more like where this whole thing should start.

I want it to be accessible, affordable, but at the same time a luxury. I want the visuals to be all that's said. but there again I'm open to suggestion.

it sounds like a good start, but then again, I'm never sure.

should it be a practical book?

no, that's too boring.

young gay guys these days have to learn about things from the past. the gay past is essential to know, that of the AIDS  epidemic, ACT UP, and the nightmare of coming out...Stonewall. it's important, and essential to understand and to grow. this is my way of giving them a glorious thing from the past in a slick modern way.

what I want is a product that shines a light on the past, yet is inspirational and gorgeous and slick and fun and hot and sexy and artistic and just wonderful gay images larger than life, displayed on a wall.

 that would be the ultimate for me,  to know that my work maybe even just brightens ones day, or inspired or turned on, or, made them cum.

I want them to touch it, feel it, feel the smudged ink on their fingers. smell the ink. it's a thing that touches so many senses. 

this is one idea of how I see, what I want. 

I think it's achievable, I think it's going to be a lot of work, but I think it will be worth it.

I like the newsprint idea a lot.

I think it's fresh.

I see this in Provincetown by next july, and I see it selling out.

this is my dream, this is my hope.

and this in print now solidifies my desire to see this through.

it's weird how it feels when you finally realize that this is a version of you, that you really like. and love. and that certainly is a great way to live.