i was almost an abortion

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

white noise




     All he could here was the white noise of static.
it started off as if in another room down the hall,
but was increasing to a furious pitch
that was like having a butcher knife 
slowly pushed through his temples into his brain.
he thought that if it didn't stop soon
he would surely lose his mind
at the very least, 
he would kill himself to end the agony.
the droning sound just kept on,
getting louder and louder with each nanosecond.


     And then..
suddenly,
it stopped.

Silence.

     He collapsed onto the floor
wet from sweat that had soaked right through his clothes.
when he opened his eyes,
timidly,
his heart still racing fiendishly,
he was shocked that nothing 
at all
seemed different.
nothing had changed.
the world around his was exactly as it always was.
people outside strolled the streets smiling.
birds sang,
sun shined.
he could hear kids playing outside, laughing.


     Maybe they didn't hear it?

     Maybe, he thought,
what was wrong
was 
    him.








hope.








although it killed him 
to think that he was really thinking THAT thought of all thoughts,
at the same time, it also gave him a shred of hope,
a minute scrap of a chance that just maybe
he could actually have true love again.
he had been burned too many times,
had been through the trials and tribulations that always led to war,
experienced the two most opposite feelings for one person that you could ever possibly feel,
and picked up the millions of little pieces of his dignity and self respect.
and if you had told him yesterday he would ever have the chance to have it all and go through it again,
he would have told you you were crazy.
but there it was..
hope.










Monday, February 11, 2013

Monday morning (afternoon)




and then, 
after finally crashing to the floor from exhaustion,
he, without even knowing it,
passed out and woke up 12 hours later.
dazed,
confused,
but clear.
everything seemed different.
fresh.
the air that billowed through the open window
smelled of lilacs
and the sound of the birds chirping from the windowsill
mixed in perfectly with the Amy Winehouse song he threw on,
and as he got his shit together and started feeling ready to face the world again,
he turned on the shower,
he felt himself smile.
felt the steam rise,
felt his bone rise
felt his depression subside
and felt glad that it was only Monday...
cause he had no idea what the hell happened since Thursday.

oops.
he did it again...




so the moral of the story is...



though he didn't really understand the way he got it to look the way it did,
but he didn't think he could ever completely duplicate it ever again..
sure he could substitute, mix around, and somehow do something, maybe, similar,
there was no way he would ever know the formula or direction to get him to that very point.
it was something that would kill him for the rest of his life,
for he was always asked to give a client that "look",
and he tried, he really did try...
but there would never be anything identically replicated.
fuck it, he thought out loud...
who gives a shit anyway...

so the moral of the story is...

don't follow directions,
just randomly do things differently than usual.
play.
have fun,
be stupid.
let it evolve the way it will resolve,
and you just may find yourself
better than ever before.






Sunday, February 10, 2013

Wonderful Life

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Feel This Moment

Pitbull Feat. Christina Aguilera - Feel This Moment

this moment passed a long time ago...

every second of every moment
of every minute of every week
counts.
matters. it may not be the perfect thing
at the perfect time, but it's what you have
and it's up to you to make the moment count.
it's never going to be easy.
if it's really important
and meant to be 
it will happen.
it can't be pushed.
it can't be demanded.
it can't be manipulated
because then it isn't pure.
i have been conflicted with my own very moments that  seemingly, slip by.
they don't seem to amount to much,
and they don't seem to get me where i want to go...
but they are moments i treasure also,
because i am spending amazing quality time
getting back to the people i haven't been close to in years.
i spend every waking moment with my baby Buddy,
and he is the light of my life,
and i know one day, i'll look back
and know for certain he was always
the love of my life.

so for this moment,
i'm going to be relaxed,
happy,
content...
and get dressed and taking him out in the snow
that he loves so much...

because once the moment passes.\
you can never get it back.
it's gone forever,
so make it count.




precious moments spent wisely...




j/o








me in the middle of one of those moments on fire island...

EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE

POLICE - EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE remix


every breath you take and every move you make, every single day,
every word you say...all builds up to 
make you exactly the very thing, the very person you are right now and effects the very next moments, ideas, thoughts, expressions, everything really...for years till the end of the story. it makes you decide everything you ever question, creates your outlooks, visions and, well, you get it...








http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xg0AsWruz4k






http://videokeman.com/michael-jackson/wanna-be-starting-something-michael-jackson/




\http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xbb8hp_lady-gaga-bad-romance-dave-aude-clu_music






http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tvxSNyN1ok

Saturday, February 9, 2013

u better werq

coccoon



something in the way it happened,
so naturally,
won't let me be...
it's like it was waiting in the wings all the time
waiting for the exact right second of time to expose itself
unfold,
and turn everything that was once bllack,
not white,
but maybe...
dove grey.
everything comes when it should.
it always has to,
like a butterfly,
coccoon and develop to the precise moment when
it should be revealed.
when it is shown to the world,
everyone should, if they were smart,
stand back in awe.
it's something perect that is what it is supposed to be
when it should be
and it lasts only as long
as it is useful,
needed,
or...
inspiring.