trust me

why is it so hard?

why can't we be nice?

 once were in love...

but not at that high price.

 it's even hard to remember what i ever saw in you...

they told me it was to good to be true.

 and when i'd look and see your face...

i thought it was so beautiful...

saw only love in your eyes,

but enough's enough,

what a surprise!

 you proved me wrong at every turn.

my souls on fire,

my mind just burns.

am i that blind? 

if i only knew.

stupid fool.

no, not me, you!

i salute you...

go on out the door now,

you take care..

with my head held high,

my tears now dry,

the past is over.

i will get by...

.

 

it took me all of these years

to realize that you don't belong here...

ya say i'll never do better...

yea, right,

whatever!

and what? you expected me to beg?

well i'm not,

i'm done.

so when you leave ya close the door behind you.

i will be strong again.

trust me, i aint going back there ever again...

postcards from the edge (of a cesspool)

Dear Mom,

Gee, i have to tell you, as usual, 

you were right!

the people in Jersey are SUPER nice!

Everyone has a big fat, um, smile...

and is always very helpful 

whenever i need a hand,

or something...and they are very happy to help me when i'm in need of assistance.

not a day's gone by 

that i haven't needed assistance!

well, anyway, i better run,

i have a few guys from the beach cumming 

and want to make sure i am a good host!

wish you were here, 

but i know it would be hard

being you're in traction...

but anyway,

love ya lots!

xo

Joey!

if only;

and then!

i guess ...

it wasn't until around 10:00 when it hit me...

"ok, yea, i get it now..." 

went racing thru my head.

so i quickly picked up my COACH tote bag ($1275.) without saying a word, wrapped my HERMES scarf ($750.) around my head, at the very same time i threw my D&G sunglasses ($425.) on my face while at the same time

my iPhone had already dialed my car service.

"i need a pick-up, NOW!" i whispered loudly.

10 minutes would be way to long, so i swiftly breezed through the hallway and on my way toward the door, managed to swipe my 

TSE CASHMERE sweater ($1845.) and

MARC by MARC JACOBS  trench ($2790.)

and barely made it out the door by the time a yellow cab turned the corner, splashing through a puddle and dousing me with water and ruining my brand new vintage CHRISTIAN DIOR alligator pumps($3795.)....

           it was a disaster!

STARRING PORN STAR TO BE:
Kurt VonRyder

YA NEVER KNOW WHO'S WHO AND WHAT'S WHAT IN THE GAME OF LIFE.

SOMETIMES THE ONES WHO LOOK LIKE BUMS ARE BILLIONAIRES,

AND THE ONES WHO LOOK LIKE THEY BATHE IN CRYSTAL ARE THE ONES WHO DON'T GOT A POT TO PISS IN...

JUST SAYIN'...

YA NEVER KNOW...

SO,

 BE NICE TO EVERYONE!

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE REMINDER.....

look closer...

Year of the Drums, Vol. 1: March of Desire D.J. TED BISHOP


LOOK CLOSE.
CLOSER...
DO YOU SEE IT?
CAUSE IT'S THERE...

Even though it seems so far away,
it's just right there,
so look closer,
before it runs away.
it's everything you thought it would be,
and probably much, much more.
it's all the things you never thought
would be right there,
but there they are,
what are you waiting for?

we never seem to understand
what?
i'd like to know too, 
but i can't seem to get it.
i don't know why as much as i try
it all seems to fail,
nothing seems to work,
even though i try to no avail.
it hurts so much.
it sucks,
it's nuts.
i see it clearly,
 i know it's there.
but yet it never solidifies
it just disappears into thin air.
if i give it one more try,
i hope it's there...
if not, i'll cry.
or die.
or both...
no lie.

as i see it...

I've found that... 

living in the middle of a Thursday night sitcom based on afro-americans in the 70's during the time of change and uplift, actually, uplifting.

as i walk the streets of hills and valleys, side streets lined with yellow or dark burgundy duplex's with arched brick columns  that guide you up to peaked copper roofs, acid green in patina, porches and stairs that bring you up toward the thick wood doors that were the entrance to the grand hallway where another set of steps lifts you even higher. the spirit lifts the heart of all this depression by the grandness that must have once been. tumbling downward, yet being restored impeccably by master craftsmen with precision. at first glance, i saw depressed. now i see a broad horizon that is endless. it's from the outside looking in, and what's inside is amazing, but what's right here is maybe even more amazing. so, i am thankful for being thrust in a place i never imagined, for reasons i never would have found if i wasn't abandoned here. me n Buddy. ugh, that poor baby boy has seen it all. and always been the solid rock that kissed me at night and again in the morning. always in love, never anything but love, which is all i ever wanted in the first place.

it makes me see how fortunate i have been, and am, and can be, and will be, once i get myself into a groove. i guess i have to prove my love to you. 
right Madge?



i am starting to discover that it's more than just the execution of the idea, it's the very idea itself that matters, what grows, and generates by expressing what i was here for in the first place. why i survived the wire hanger is something i guess is still in discussion. maybe it's all about survival of the fittest. or the rise and fall and rise of a man with a mission, but as pf yet, mission unknown. navigating through muddy waters and rivers that run upstream. impossible, but, if it happens the way i hope it does is again, don't call it a comeback, nah, i been here for years. thru all the drama and the pain, and all the tears. it's time to stop this roller coaster, i wanna get off, and start moving mountains and swimming seas and find another world...

just cause i can.

well,
what i really wanted to say,
but to be nice, i kept my mouth shut,
is that i...
i guess i can't say anything really.
because somehow, every time i open my mouth
it gets misconstrued or misunderstood by somebody who
then feels it's their duty to tell me 
what a bad person i am.
well, um...hello?
open your eyes bitches,
cause you've been misinformed
or misguided...
mistook and misused your mentally retarded 
and minute brain cavity
and somehow you went so far out of bounds with whatever crap you've been fed,
you felt it your DUTY, to call me on it.
well, lemme tell ya somethin'
i told you that i wasn't wrong.
i told you the whole truth.
i didn't even exaggerate, cuz i didn't have to.
i am usually always right.
and i say something when i aint.
but this time i was right.
and i got nothing to say sorry for.
you on the other hand...
need to step up to the plate,
bow that ugly head of yours, just a little lower,
find that place in you you so long ago forgot,
humble...
and say, not in a whisper, but for the whole world to hear,
"I'm sorry Joe. YOU were right."

then i'm gonna slap u 
upside the head twice.
                 just cause i can.

now i ask ya...

don't ya feel FOOLISH?!?

cause ya should.

DEREK PARKER fights back!

chapter 3,475

the final conclusion:

While no one was looking

he decided that the time was right

to make his move.

he had to be swift,

he had to be strong,

and he had to fight back.

it would be the fight of his life,

it would destroy him inside and out,

but it was now or never,

and never wasn't an option.

he had to wear his courage on his sleeve

and hold the weight of the world in his heart.

this was the time,

he was certain.

as he raised his head up towards the sun rays 

that were beaming through evaporating clouds,

a flock of ducks was seen flying southbound overhead,

there was a clean fresh breeze that wafted to his nostrils 

and in an instant his entire mood and attitude changed.

his body shook it's goose bumps through every pore

and his hair stood on end.

he raised his chin just a bit higher,

with just a bit more confidence gleaming in his eyes,

and a smile cracked just a bit in the corners of his mouth,

the world was a better place...

and they lived happily ever after...

THE END

as the late great Erik Rhodes once said, 

you aint really a porn star until Joe Oppedisano shoots you. well, i guess a new pornstar has arrived,

 and just in time...

iml kicks in,

God forbid...

poor Chicago...

Derek Parker,

take it away.

DON'T HATE ME CAUSE I'M BEAUTIFUL

Everybody!
quiet!
listen to me!
what's going on!!
QUIET!!!

it behooves me to even imagine in this day and age that what's going on is actually going on.
4real?
it's 2013.
and it's still going on.
no, not men over 40 wearing Abercrombie...
VIOLENCE!
wtf?
we have fought our way to the place we're at for so many years,
but it aint ever enuf is it.
we are always gonna have haters hate,
but mow it's time to retaliate.
enuf is enuf.
no more.
stand up,
be proud,
and kick fuckin ass.
str8's who hate need to get one thing straight...
we faggits's gonna retaliate!
so...
don't hate me cause i'm gay
(or beautiful)
hate me cause i'm more man 
than you'll ever be,
and more woman than you'll EVER fuck!
but that's me.

GET USED TO IT!