hole lotta nothing...

got laid today,
and it was fuckin amazing.
theres nothing i love more than a hairy hungry hole bent over, open, ready for my tongue and cock.
hmmm,
fuck his ass was great.
i came twice.
big loads.
fuck, ok, thats all.
lol
here's kinda what and where i was today.
enjoy

before G.I. Joe

one day, my dear friend, model agent extraordinaire Jason Kanner calls me to tell me he has this new kid, a street wise punk who can dance, move, and is gorgeous.
the kid showed up, amazing. loved him...
great attitude, energy, face, body, was perfect. i shot him about seven more times from the time he was 18 till about 22, he was one of my boys, and is one hell of a guy, still.
he moved to LA a few years ago, became G.I. Joe, and a few other lead charachters, and i'm sure we haven;'t seen the last of him.
Channing Tatum, he is truly a great man, here's the last shoot i did wuith him, the cover of the final issue of SPOON magazine.



i have this main shot framed 4feet by 4 feet in my living room, and it always gets a comment...

Rio

it was early January, 10 years ago, when i got a phone call from Genre magazine to shoot a vacation issue in Tampa. TAMPA?

what queen in their right mind goes on vacation to TAMPA!

luckily, my dear friend michael nash was vacationing (rather getting fucked through) Rio,

so we devised a plan to make sure i got there, fast!
Genre was excited, i was thrilled, and michael was psyched.

he lined up the models,

i got the clothes,

and one week later was on the flight down.

10 hours later, i woke up on the plane, 20 minutes left...

when i got off the plane, michael picked me up, and without hessitation

dropped me off with $40. to a bath house, and told me he'd pick me up in 5 hours.

5 hours later, a stretched mouth and, whatever later,

he picked me up and we started shooting the next morning.

we had incredible models, the location couldn't be more amazing, and the weather was unreal.

we shot for 3 days, and then i stayed for 7 more, since it was my birthday and i was celebrating my 35th that week.

2 romances later,

i returned to nyc, in pain, achy, numb, and dillusional.

ghonnoria, food and sun poisioning and crabs later, plus a shot in the ass for syphalis,

i walked out of my doctors and to bed for 4 days.

AH, Rio.

i love it!

normalic-ee

winter's here.
ugh.
the cold is in my bones, but not my heart,
as i sit and type,
i am starting to understand myself just a little better,
every second.
i am beginning to see just how much i really mean
to myself, and others,
but my own self worth is really most important.
i am beginning to see that i am not such a mess,
such a fuck up
such a nobody,
and am beginning to comprehend that
i am actually a normal person.
i'm not special,
just normal,
and in my normalicy, i am finding peace.
when i think of all of my short comings,
i get depressed...
when i think of all i've done in the 23, i mean, 44 3/4 years of my life, i am astounded at hgow much i've achieved,
how much i've learned, and passed on.
it makes me happy to know i'm not such a fuck up.
it makes me happy to be alive, and to be here,
right now,
tonight.

Good Feeling

sometimes, even i, get a good feeling.
the hideous 365 days we'll call 2011 ended gracefully,
nothing crazy,
just 4 friends watching the ball drop on t.v..
it feels like something's different.
something's changed, and also, about to change.
i get a feeling that i'm ready to move up n out.
the day is here,
the time has come,
and it's all falling into place.
finally.

 




























 

1/2/12

1/2/12

a new day.

a new year.

a new beginning.

leaving the past in the past

and accepting the present, as a present,

is the plan.

today would be another day, and all the craziness he had been through the last 44 years would be just that, craziness that he had been through, but not craziness that he would go through.

it was time to stop the madness and move ahead, look beyond, and take whatever steps necessary to make his life better. and so, he began...

new years eve, 1990-Another Sleepless Night

new years eve, 1990
i was living with joe peguero, keith cokes and tina flindt, possibly her sister bernadete and her boyfriend too, in a two bedroom on 14th and 1st. keith was dating michael dionissiou, who i think i still hated at the time, not sure... it was new years eve, and we had a party, we always had a party. this one wasn't one of the memorable ones, like the one where scott thompson's boyfriend anted to kill keith, or the one where joe was sucking somebody (one of our female guests) boyfriends off in the bathroom, nor the one with the smoke machine...or the d.j., or the one we invited grace jones to, but it was a party nonetheless.
i had recently thrown the christmas tree out into the middle of 14th street, in front of a cop, so we had more room, and so, the room was packed, the music was playing, and we had fun. we always had fun.
at midnight, i played my favorite song at the moment, another sleepless night...everyone went wild, kissed, embraced, and everything was alright. that's all that mattered.
and so it was, the first minutes of 1990.

twas the night

twas the end of the old year,
a new dawn would break,
and put an end to the old one
which was just one big mistake.
so i called all my friends
tried to make some amends
for the blunders in my past
that i did this year last.
as i look now, ahead
i choose to, instead,
make 2012
a year in which i delve
to times better spent
on a life i'll reinvent.
so goodbye old year past
it was fun while it last-ed
but it's time to move on
i'll be happy when you're gone!

happy birthday Mark Nelson!

sorry...

one last thing,

i'm sorry.

to all the people i fucked over,

all the times i fucked up,

all the messes i made,

all the times i was messy,

i'm sorry.

i never meant to hurt you,

i always tried to do the best,

but sometimes i went about it in the wrong way.

but it was never malicious.

i'm trying,

and i'll try harder this time,

to make up, repair, and fix

all the broken ties and disasters i created.

i'm really sorry.

i love you.

Joe

NA-h

i just got back from an NA meeting.
i had forgotten how much i hated meetings until this one,
when someone in the room raised their hand and started blaming others in the room for their relapsing.
really?
isn't that typical of an addict?
take anything you can find, and blame it for everything you have become.
it infuriates me, and makes me wih i never had to goto another meeting again.
but, once in a while, i guess i do.
i'm not perfect, and i'm not special...
but i'm smart, smart enough to know when i'm being foolish.
the last year was a year to point finger and blame the universe formy problems.
but in reality, those problems were caused by, accelerated by and done by, me.
by me and to me.
no one else.
step one in my new life is to understand and not blame others for my unfortunate choices i make to use drugs, make myself depressed and become and stay an addict.
it did nothing for me but make me fall, but fall i did, and fall i just may do again, but...
i won't blame anyone else for that.
that is part of whatr makes me the person i am, and will be.
every second a chiice is given to you,
do i want strawberry or vanilla ice cream?
would i like to go right or left?
do i wanna get high, or not?
it's my choice, my mistakes, my life.

my life, my mistakes,
my choice.

what moore can i say?
it's finally clear...
crystal clear, that if i use, i'll be a mess...
and i won't move forward, but rather, back to who i used to be, was, and still am...
it's my problem, my life, my mistakes, my choice.
and i choose to not be a mess, anymore.

try, try again.

starting over.
simply put,
everything must change!
an inner vision today, inspired me to understand in it's entierty,
the way things really could be if life was different.
meaning,
if i played by the rules and played the game a little differently.
would i be in the place i am now if i indeed played the game the way everyone else does?
but the games rules have changed, gotten tougher,
and so, so i have i.
i've needed a change in my life for years
but never took the initiative,
well, i thought iwas but really wasn't,
to let go of the bad and accept good,
 and change the bad and in return back to a goodness
that i had forgotten.
from now on, i am going to try, harder...
it's never to late to let yourself change things up a bit,
or a lot...
it's never too late.
my life will be more structured in a way i can't imagine yet,
and i will try and function in a normal state
like other people do, normal people,
people who have jobs, and kids, and a life...
interesting concept.
having a full time job, going home to the wife and kids and summering on Cape Cod.
interesting.
that's not my goal personally, but it's a way of life i can't really imagine.
i love my chaotic no-idea-what's-gonna-happen-next way of living,
although, having structure somewhere would be a good thing.
and so, structure is rule number one, goal number one, and the first thing i will try to cultivate in myself,
structure.

then i gotta get my fat ass back to the gym cause i am fat as hell.
it's gross.
then i want to get back to the city,
normal,
clean, sober,
botox and a few pulls,
and i'm back to the old me.
maybe some fillers here n there,
but otherwise, the old me.

and i'm ready too.
it's like when you can see the horizon break when the sun rises out of it.
at first it's hazy and burning so hot it sizzles,
then everything comes clear, comes into focus.
it's the time i have been prolonging for years,
and so,
here it is,
here i am.
destiny takes over and the man lives a normal-ish life.
it sounds like a perfect plan.




2012 will finally be THE year.
lol
although supposedly every year is also supposed to be the year.
it just never blossoms the way we expect.
but with faith, hope in one's self, a willingness to try,
and and a few goals,
i believe i can make it.
lol
i'll try anyway.








styled by the one and only, david dalrymple.