y o u

i must be living in a hole.
and not a hot hairy one either.
my strict personal philosophy of locking myself into a box and not looking at anything so as not to be inspired by whats happening with other artists and what they are inspired by. so instead of looking at what everyone is doing i close my eyes, lock the doors around me, remove any time/place/shape/form and content that may give me any inspiration or guide or steer me to do something i normally wouldn't ever do so that in fact, i am never influenced by anything or anyone else at that time, unless the artist or person who has done it is already dead, then it becomes more of an homage instead of a copy.
does that make sense?
so, even the normal little things in life, like how i get news becomes just a little harder, but the way i go about finding them, scouting them out, feeling their vibe and necessity in the world, makes for a journey to the end of the rainbow.
instead of just following, reading up on, or listening to others,
i choose to fumble upon, stumble across, or directly go to the things that interest me, making them already things that i relate to, yet, by going about it in such an abstract way, i feel like i get my satisfaction in doing it "my way". making it, in the end, something that i have discovered and or uncovered, for myself, my own consumption, and my own ability to use/abstract/derive or be inspired from, the said thing, whatever it happens to be, for my style and vision of interpritation.
case in point,
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/
i have never been on his blog because i wrote this blog, more as a diary than anything for people to actually read, but i didn't want to know what Joe thought, or my dear friend Andy ( http://www.towleroad.com/ ), how they did a blog, so as not to be inspired to do what they did. well, i was relieved to find out today that n fact, our worlds are so unrelated, so many miles apart, that they are barely in the same universe. they do blogs of importance, give credit to gay society good, bad or indifferent, and help the homosexuals evolve with dignity, class, and a better understanding of what's happening in the world around (and to) them.
my journal that i call my blog, is a place for me to rant, obsess, talk, and figure out my art, my loves, my obsessions, and my depressions. i pay total homage to these men, and am excited to become part of gay society...lol.
their takes on normality and homosexuality, are simple, to the point, and yet, funny, intillectual, and sophisticated. i'm sold. i can't spell, but i'm sold.

Werq It

i'd like to get to know ya
so i can show ya
put the pussy on ya
like i told ya
gimme all ur numbers so i can phone ya
ur girl act the stank thing
call me over
not on the bed
lay me on the sofa
calll before ya come
i need to shave my chocha.

werq it.
i need a glass of water.
dehydrated,
consumed,
depressed,
and in the last stretches of what i hope to call my past,
very soon.
every time i get here,
i get anxious,
freak out,
act the fool,
and fuck it up.
i can't do that again.
i know exactly what i want.
i know exactly how to get it,
execute it from scratch,
make it happen,
leave my mark,
make them gag.
werq it.
and then,
this won't even matter.

Help

it's from a very distinct impression

that somewhere here, there is a lesson,

maybe not yet uncovered,

but the need has been discovered

by many individuals

who have not received residuals

from many of the rituals.

the economy is bleak,

something that is not unique,

for the country's in despair

and desperatly needs repair.

the people who work hardest

find little hope or faith, reguardless,

of the hours that they spend

doing things they comprehend

to be the thing that will indeed

help them to succeed.

time is spent each day

trying to repay

debts that have been made

by others who in fact, betrayed

the country as a whole,

and so life is now on hold

and no matter what they do

they find little faith, it's true...

for the one that should be blamed

is someone who is named

bush and chenney too,

the culprits of our doom.

but instead of giving back,

the republicans attack,

and create a insane vision

of how bad we're in remission.

there's nowhere left to turn

the country now has learned

that in no way shape or form

should this be considered norm.

is hope around the corner?

will there be some way to garner

a little hope at least

or have we eaten our last feast?

i hope and pray each day

that these troubles will go away,

but unfortunatly i see,

little hope, indeed.

nothing uglier than a vagina

sometimes it's so hard to sleep.
i toss and turn,
no rest for me.
i think of when it'll all be good,
the pain away,
the light exposed,
no more darkness,
just smiles, happiness, joy.
finally.
i've been stuck in a rut for three years,
can't seem to pull myself out.
it's hard,
it sucks.
i try and i try,
and then i try once again,
but for some reason i'm tied
to an old sinking boat.
i can't seem to get my head above water,
i have lost the spark i once had that i attacked every situation with.
i feel alone.
i feel like i've missed something...
i feel like i'm bored,
which i am...
but it's much deeper than boredom.
it's scary, because for the first time ever in my life,
i don't have the solution.

so i go back to bed,
lay down my weary head,
try and rest for an hour,
toss and turn,
think,
and then get back up,
sit at the computer,
waiting for something to happen,
some email to recieve that will change it all.
some Facebook note that will make me smile.
something.
something...
something?


here's something i just discovered that may change me forever!
i was bored, on my swinger website,
scrolling images of people,
and i have come to the conclussion that...
there is nothing uglier than a vagina.
nothing.
yuck.



here's an ad i just shot that i did everything completely different than i usually do.
as u see, no hair, no make-up,
could it be?
i like it...

u just never know.

don't be surprised
if one day you see,
somethng you never liked before,
has something interesting, unique,
and instead of going for the usual,
you decide to try something you never quite thought you'd like...
but you find out,
in fact,
you really did enjoy it after all.
it doesn't mean that everything like that will suit your tastes,
but then again,
who knows.
you never thought you'd have liked it in the first place,
and yet,
here you are having it again.
taste is tricky.
no one can dictate what it is you should like,
because it's all personal.
it depends on many factors, like,
the way you were raised,
the smells that they made,
the taste that they had,
the way they felt...
and no two people have the same two experiences.
ever.
so, just be happy you chose,
something different, as opposed,
to the sameness you grew accostomed to,
because change is good.
we grow when we change,
we experience,
we develop,
we redefine ourselves,
our likes,
and our tastes.
we become better people.
maybe not better,
just more open minded.

LMFAO

it's true

it's true,
what i say,
that i shouldn't really be here,
it was all a mistake,
and now u all pay the price,
you once thought i was nice,
but the truth shall be told,
it will all, one day,
unfold.

what i did today...nothing.

today was one of those days.
nothing got done,
nothing got started.
i tried, but i failed,
and it seemed useless,
so i stopped.
i cruised the internet,
found some things of interest.
like a straight swingers website,
so made friends, as i lied about who i was.
i love becoming someone else.
my brother in law Dave is the one who got me hooked.
he'd go onto a young girl website
something like myspace,
and chit chat with all of the old men who approached him.
he's act silly,
be coy,
say he wanted to meet and get laid...
he's a sick fucker.
which is why i love him...
today i was a bi married guy from Austin with 3 kids that was a swinger
was into the nudist lifestyle,
and, well, i think that was it.
it was fun,
it made me laugh,
it made me see that i am not the only twisted freak in the world,
cause i cant imagine who i was really talking to.probably some fat 90 year old in Tuscon pretending to be a hot chick.
whatever.